


Severus and the Frozen North

by Hfflanders



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Love, Romance, happilyeverafter, harrypotteruniverse, potionsmaster, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 13:18:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 37,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21338875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hfflanders/pseuds/Hfflanders
Summary: After his post-war sabbatical, Severus takes a position at the Great Northern Magical Hospital in Kiruna, Sweden. He assumes the co-brewer position with a Potions Mistress who is just as talented, snarky, and damaged as him. Can they work together, forge a friendship, and possibly more?
Relationships: Kora Kane, Severus Snape & Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 15





	1. Acceptance

May 8, 1998

He woke up chained to the infirmary bed. Two ministry officials guarding him, wands at the ready. How many days had past? Scrimgeour and Minerva burst through the door, determined faces etched with anger and disgust. 

"I won't hold you accountable for what you do Minerva" Scrimgeour told her, purposely turning away. 

He could barely hold his head up as his heart beat slowly, the ache in his bones more than physical. She stared at him, eyes cold and empty, lips pursed thin. She thought him to be a murderer. And in a way, he was. A deserter. A scoundrel. A scourge to all they held dear. Their worst suspicions confirmed. There was very little grey to behold in mercy killing. 

How long had he been unconscious? Was the dark lord vanquished? If Potter was indeed dead, Minerva would want justice. What an irony, to survive Voldemort but be taken down by an angry witch with a broken heart. The irony of him surviving while the child he swore to protect died like a lamb to slaughter. 

The door flew open, echoing off the walls. All their heads snapped to attention. 

"No! You don't understand Professor!" Harry yelled, running over to the foot of the bed, arms spread protectively wide

"Potter, I admire your loyalty. Even to someone who couldn't care less if you lived...But move aside" she told him calmly, her wand hand twitching 

"No! He was on our side the whole time! Dumbledore made Snape kill him, he was going to die anyway!" Harry panted, his other two comrades flying in with the Penseive spinning in the air 

"What are you talking about?" she asked exasperatedly, eyeing the floating bowl 

Harry looked back at him, the expression on his face mirrored his mothers. Gut punch. Severus closed his eyes, the burn of tears humiliating him. He didn't have the strength to put up a fight. 

"He saved us. Saved me. Now, I'm going to save him. Even if he hates me for it. Look in the Penseive" Harry told McGonagall and Scrimgeour. 

Harry didn't ask for his permission to show those memories. They were just for him. To complete the mission. To have the courage to finish. So at least one person knew he wasn't a traitor, even if only for a night. Impertinent. 

Not caring that his soul was laid bare and shamed. But, he surmised, he deserved any public flogging that he could get. Perhaps this was for the best. He would take what came.

Minutes later, the two straightened up, faces chagrined and horrified. 

"Oh dear..." the elder witch whispered, wand put away, tears falling down her cheeks 

"I can wave all the charges...There is no law for this...But Albus himself would have set a precedent" Scrimgeour murmured, whisking off the handcuffs immediately, refusing to meet Severus' eye. 

"I'm sorry sir" Harry whispered to him, stepping closer to the bed 

Anger, fear, sadness, shame. He had to set them aside. It was time for a new life. A new era. 

"I am too Potter" he croaked, throat aching with the still fresh wound

"You're a good man" Harry told him cautiously, beware of getting his head ripped off 

Weak and unwilling to hide behind the facade of anger he gave in. Just as awkwardly, Severus replied to the young man, seemingly so much older in just the span of a few days 

"So are you. We are even now" 

————————  
January 2, 2000 

The January air stung his face, wind visible in the fast whipping snow. Pulling his cloak tighter, he walked up to the Great Northern Wizarding Hospital located in Kiruna, Sweden. This was about as isolated as he could get, besides holing up in his home for over a year. 

The building appeared warm and inviting, a bright shade of red topped with wooden eaves and a bell tower, stretching for a block. Should a muggle glance around it, however, all they would see would be a danger sign, warning of an old iron ore mine and to stay away. 

A speckled white owl fluttered down, ringing the bell for him. The door immediately opened and a smiling witch dressed in a warm fur cloak pulled him inside

"Master Snape! I'm Senior Healer Margaret Eriksson. How good of you to come all this way for an interview! We are so excited to speak with you" 

He offered a small smile and thanks as he shook her hand. She stood tall, strong and bustling, towering over him by a head. In a way, she reminded him of Hagrid. What a strange thought. He had been away from the castle for awhile...

She chattered in about the cold winter winds, and how they became more bearable the longer one lived there. She told him she embraced the cold now, finding it easier to thrive. Normally incessant talking about nothing would frustrate him, but something about the way she talked soothed him. Perhaps he had been away from people for too long. 

She walked him into a room with two other people already seated around a mahogany square table, an orange flame crackling in the fire place, steaming mugs of tea already placed at the settings. The elder man with the rectangular glasses introduced himself as Thaddeus and the middle aged woman with the oversized sweater as Eleanor. 

"We are very excited and privileged that you took interest in a position here Master Snape. Tell me, why would a decorated war hero and superior brewer such as yourself want to be so far away from home?" asked Thaddeus, dipping a cookie into his spiced tea 

The question was innocuous enough. Why would anyone want to be away from the hustle and bustle? Especially when society lauded them as a hero. Continual requests to attend publicity stunts, charity balls, rebuilding events. Unable to go out anywhere without people praising him or fearing for his life from scorned death eaters wanting revenge for his betrayal. 

But for him, that was the exact reason he wanted to be away. He didn't deserve to be called a hero nor did he want the constant praise and adoration. Neither was it good for his already paranoid personality to see danger around every corner. But perhaps it wasn't paranoia, considering the several death threats that made their way to his door. 

All of the attention was surface level. It was shallow and insincere. Once anyone got to know him, they balked at the trauma and anxiety. The depression. The need to be healed yet the massive amount of work yet to be done.

"I am not much for fame. I find that I can't concentrate on my work without my prior life interfering. I prefer a quiet and small world...Not one filled with celebrity" he spoke slowly, trying to phrase his proclivities toward reclusiveness as strengths 

The three healers exchanged glances, appearing to decide to continue on with the interview. A few rounds of rapid fire questions about the nature of brewing, could he cope with the constant influx of new potions, the heavy work load; to all of which he assured them that he could, citing his many years of work at Hogwarts. 

Eleanor clipped back her long blonde hair before speaking delicately 

"You are aware that this is a position in which you will work alongside our current Potions mistress?" 

He was aware of that. He had hoped for a solo position, but working alongside of a dedicated mistress or master would suit him just fine. As long as they didn't want to become friends or expect him to regale them with war stories. 

"Yes I am. That would be fine with me" he told them placidly, wondering why they were being so elusive 

"Well, our potions mistress is somewhat of a...loner. She's a little rough around the edges" Eleanor spoke softly, voice kind. 

That didn't surprise him, brewing was a tedious and individual effort. 

"I have been called that myself. Rather often. Does she want to continue the job alone?" he questioned them, not wanting to stick his foot in where he wasn't wanted. 

They all glanced at each other nervously, and he held back from hopping into their memories. That wasn't socially acceptable anymore. 

"No that isn't the case. But to be candid, she has run off three different potions masters in the past five years she has worked here. She was more skilled than they, and there was a continual clash of will" Thaddeus answered honestly, sitting back in his chair as if he expected the interview to be over

Perhaps they would be evenly matched. He didn't back down from a fight. 

"I think I would like to meet her. If that is possible, before continuing on" Severus requested, his intrigue at their lab and facilities rising as well. 

They appeared uneasy, as if they were...afraid? What kind of woman had they hired that they shrunk from the mere thought of her? A small part of him found it hilarious. He didn't find many things funny these days. 

"Alright. She is at the top of her trade in the North, highly respected, awarded first class medals every year at the Master's Convention. She continually puts out the best potions of any brewer we've had at this hospital" Margaret rambled on and on as they ascended winding stairs into a high tower. 

The view over the vast land covered in snow and twinkling lights took his breath away. 

Margaret was trying to prove something. Perhaps trying to sway him into putting up with a less than kind workmate in exchange for their wit. He could deal with that. As long as they weren't being forced to have a partner. Forced camaraderie never worked out well. The older woman knocked tentatively on the heavy wooden door, the large brass knocker in the shape of an owl thudding hollowly. 

"Hurry up!" came the abrupt reply from an accented female voice 

The two entered, and he held back a smirk. A woman just barely clearing five feet tall stood on a ladder, retrieving some herbs from a high shelf. Her long raven black hair tightly clipped back from her face in a glittering claw barrette. The black apron nearly dragged onto the floor. Boots in thick blue dragon hide laced up to her knees. She turned around, climbing down from the ladder cautiously. 

She sized him up, not bothering to hide her distrust. Her hair was filled with thick streaks of white, brightly contrasting from the nebulous black of the rest. Crossing her arms over her chest she commented snidely 

"Going for celebrity status now, are we Margaret?" 

His neck prickled. He couldn't get away. It had been over a year and he still couldn't hide. 

"Master Snape applied with us, not the other way around Kora" Margaret answered sweetly, unfazed by the abruptness in her colleagues tone 

"But I see you haven't sent him away. You brought him to meet me. So you must be seriously considering him. Do you think that a wise choice?" the woman, Kora, questioned sharply, expertly squeezing bubotuber pus out of a shell and into the cauldron with a satisfying squish 

"We wouldn't announce it to the world. He has stated his wish for anonymity" Margaret told her, nodding at Severus 

He couldn't place Kora's accent. Eastern European? English? Russian? 

"Why are you hiding? You're a little late if you didn't want everyone to know you saved the most important boy in the world. Or perhaps you're ashamed and want to hide from your association with Voldemort" Kora tossed at him, accurately naming his opposing desires

Margaret paled from the mention of the name as well as aghast at the lack of decorum. He didn't mind. He could play that game well. He lived that game. 

"I kept that boy alive as a form of penance. The same as my supposed allegiance to the dark lord. I am not ashamed of anything" he told her brusquely, standing tall. 

"Liar" she stated, eyebrow arched, daring him to retaliate. 

He didn't bother to correct her. Shame pervaded every aspect of his life. 

Staring at him from across the room, eyes narrowed. Deciding. Finally she sighed in resignation, waving Margaret away, speaking about him as if he weren't there 

"Leave him here. I want to see what he can do. I'll send him back when I'm through" 

Margaret nodded, offering him a condolence laden smile and a tender arm squeeze as she all but ran out of the room. 

"You can call me Kora. Or Mistress Kane. I really don't care. What should I call you?" she asked as she motioned him over to her station 

He glanced down at the table, noting the impressive knife collection, labeled and organized the exact same way as his knives. 

"Severus is acceptable" he told her, looking down into her heavy lidded eyes, a murky hazel. 

"We brew about two hundred potions a day here. Of all different varieties. The quantity and type changes sometimes by the hour. Can you handle that? After your years teaching... children?" she asked icily, the condescension laced through her words 

He didn't merely teach. He brewed potions for the infirmary as well as for any asinine situation that the golden trio managed to get themselves into. He forced himself to remain cool. She was trying to press him. Rattle his spirit. Throw him off course. He understood her method, he too treated people this way. Ruffle their feathers and watch them fail. But he would not. 

"I needn't prove my abilities to an over confident mistress with a chip on her shoulder but I suppose I shall for the sake of this interview. What would you like to see?" he answered smoothly, pressing back the same button he hated. 

Color immediately rose to her pale cheeks but she instead rolled her eyes

"Brew a healing potion, a pepper up, and a skele-grow simultaneously. We do that often here, as time doesn't permit sole concentration" she demanded, again stressing the constraints and hardships of hospital brewing. 

He didn't fear. He could brew those in his sleep. She handed him a spare set of knives and tools with no further explanation. Turning back to her cauldron, she began to stir. The shelves were chocked to the brim with every herb he could imagine, even the rare snow lotus from India that he had only read about. Cauldrons lined the walls, vials ready to be filled. This was as close to glee as he could imagine. 

He nearly smiled. The herbs and plants were situated alphabetically situation around the room as well as grouped into classes of potions. He easily found what he was looking for and set to work. Mince, chop, crush, stir, simmer. The routine hugged him in familiarity. He could be anywhere and be at home as long as he was brewing. 

Glancing up every now and again, he watched as Kora moved with equal adeptness and concentration. Not a word was spoken between them but they moved about in a knowledgeable dance around the other as they retrieved various items throughout the room. He wondered how old she was, her face appeared young and round but her disposition spoke otherwise. 

"Quit staring. What do you want?" she barked, not bothering to look up 

He figured he might as well ask; it couldn't hurt anything. 

"How old are you?" 

"Thirty one" she replied almost as if she expected the question, the displeasure at divulging something personal obvious

She bent her body low to her toes in a move he knew well. Shoulder aches and pinching spinal column from standing all day. She moved with the struggle of someone who had seen the depth of life. He could relate. 

"I'm finished. Care to berate my work?" he proposed sarcastically an hour later as he corked the vials. 

"I won't need to berate your work if you're as good as they say. Although I would miss out on some of the fun" she retorted smartly, smelling the vials individually, then dipping a finger into each one, tasting it on the tip of her tongue. 

Annoyance flashed across her face, and for a split second he feared he had mucked up the recipe. But just as quickly he corrected his thinking. He never screwed up such a basic potion, even going so far as to bettering it in his youth. 

"When you start, I have certain rules to my lab. If you follow them, we will get along great and you won't be run out of here crying like a disgraced toddler back to their mother. You'll need a backbone to work with me. I don't deal with weak men. I'm stubborn. I don't like to talk. I am demanding. If you think those are things you can live with, go tell Margaret. If not, thanks for the potions" she had walkedm close to his chest, her chin tilted all the way up, porcelain white skin hazy in the lamplight; voice tired, annoyed, yet oddly calm. 

She knew who she was and didn't want to compromise for anyone. And why should she, this was her lab and her world. But she held a respect for the art. The subtle science. A respect for the precision. He was the same way about his stores and lab in the dungeons. He didn't need to prove anything to her. He just wanted a chance at his own life. To live for himself. 

He nodded curtly, turning quickly without a look back, descending the spiral staircase back into the sitting room where the three healers sat nervously. 

"Ah, Severus! You have returned" Thaddeus answered in relief, as if he hadn't expected him to show up 

"Well, shall I show you the door?" Margaret questioned him curiously, eyes alight with hope 

He spoke confidently, hands clasped together at his stomach 

"I would like the job. When do I start?"


	2. The Mistress’s Orders

"For today we need 50 restorative potions, 40 pepper up, 40 grand pepper ups, 100 strengthening solutions, 80 healing, 100 common antidotes, 30 uncommon, 100 cough, 100 dreamless sleep, 100 draught of peace, and 60 blood replenishing. I am at the market and will be back in an hour. Get started on the restorative potions" was written in a half cursive, half print scrawl on a notepad on the main counter top in the lab that first morning. 

He drew in a deep breath, the air scented with cinnamon and citrus. All at once cozy and energizing. The chopping and mincing calmed his mind, determined to do well. Instantly at home as he set up his knives and tools; his concentration broken only when Kora entered the room, stomping the snow off her heavy boots, switching them out for the dragon hide that he saw her wearing during the interview. Her hood rustled, the snow drifting down her back; she tossed it onto a hook and wrapped the too long apron around her neck. 

Barely glancing at him, she surveyed the progress so far, sending the finished vials over to a small corner of the lab. A small house elf immediately appeared with a smile and a bow. 

"Thank you Minty" she called out, offering a genuine smile to the elfish creature before he popped down the chute 

"I will work on the pepper ups and blood replenishing" she informed him, setting up her station at a burner opposite of him. 

Curious, he surreptitiously watched as she precisely sliced leaves into 1/8 inch slivers, effortlessly powdered bicorn horn, pressing the wide blade of the knife against a ripe berry, the blood red juice flowing. Her movements were muscle memory just like his, almost unaware of their actions. 

The only sounds over the next several hours the simmering of the cauldrons and the hiss and bubble of liquid. A symphony. Music to his ears. 

"When you finish that batch, put it in the corner. Minty will take it. But I must inspect your final product before you send it out" she told him smoothly, her tone riddled with suspicion 

He was competent. He didn't need to be watched over like a child. Twenty years of potions experience wouldn't have him having his work checked like a lowly intern. Her request was a test, meant to push his button that demanded superiority. 

"Is that really necessary?" he asked, matching her condescending tone, not caring if he seemed intimidating as he stood up to his full height 

"You'll keep in mind that you are working alongside of me in my lab. My reputation rides on your work too. My lab, my rules. You don't like it you don't have to stay" she chirped, crossing her arms over her chest, looking for all the world like a sullen teenager 

He could play that game. He understood the power grab. Trying to assert herself. 

"Could I get a written copy of these rules? When shall we talk about mine?" he asked sarcastically, mimicking her stature 

Eyes narrowed, she whipped back without a second thought 

"I'll owl them to you later. And I don't particularly care about your rules because you work with me. Now where are those eighty restorative potions?" 

He motioned to the smaller batch of fifty potions in the corner. Her writing was nearly illegible, he could barely discern what it said 

"I made fifty potions, which is what I could discern from your horrific penmanship" he stated defiantly, ready for their first showdown 

The flush creeped up into her face, the color of coral, jaw tensed and teeth possibly about to explode from the force of biting back her words 

"I see that celebrity status isn't everything. I told you I was demanding. Get it right or don't bother showing up tomorrow" 

His gut clenched and his skin prickled. He remembered his speech to Potter on that first day and the feelings he was trying to suppress. He couldn't let her get away with talking to him that way. 

He didn't want to be a celebrity. He spent his life in the background, only to be propelled forward at his weakest moment. He desperately wanted a fresh start and whatever she thought about him was wrong and he wouldn't be condescended to 

"Your handwriting is atrocious. You should fix it. I have over twenty five years of experience and you know damn well how lucky you are to have me working alongside you" he spit out, staring down into her burning muddy moss eyes. 

Time seemed to stand still as she deliberated her next cause of action. He fully expected her to stab him with the seed splitter. 

"Just make the rest of the list" she spoke out each word in a measured beat, letting him know just how much she wasn't saying 

He turned to toss his already prepared ingredients into the cauldron, glancing out the floor to ceiling glass bay window. The sun had risen around half past ten that morning and was beginning to set again now at one. The daylight would get longer as the year stretched on, but during this deep freeze of winter, it was mostly continual night. Which he didn't mind, the darkness soothed him.

"We stay until three since we get here at six. But we're generally on call if they need a brew that isn't kept on hand. We take turns handling those. Is that fine with you?" she asked him as they cleaned up their station that afternoon, the ice in her voice clear that it wasn't really a question. 

"That sounds fair" he acquiesced, buttoning his heavy cloak in the corner 

"You're going to freeze in just that cloak" she reprimanded him, sliding on a Sherpa lined black pea coat with a massive hood. 

"You almost sound like you care about what happens to me. We can't have that" he quipped back, voice cut with sarcasm 

A flicker of hurt passed over her face before she shook it off, shoving past him as she left the lab in a huff. If they could work together, this job would be perfect. 

——————

"How has your first month been Severus? I'm sorry we haven't gotten to talk, early flu season is terrible around here" Margaret apologized as they sat down to lunch that cold day in February. 

Thinking it through, his first month had a steep learning curve. Brewing potions in continuously large quantities was a detour from the relatively small batches of Hogwarts. He enjoyed the challenge, the precision, the search for a more efficient way to bottle so many vials at one time. 

And as much as Kora harped on him, they worked well together. Brewing was a detailed process, and everyone had their own routine; she acclimated to his quirks rather quickly, even adopting the recycling of scarab shells by crushing them into their own powder rather than buying an entirely separate product. He didn't bother to try and get to know her, this was just a job. Plus, she mostly ignored him unless it was to dictate something or check in on his progress. 

"It has gone well. Your lab is of the highest quality and I trust that you have found my work to be satisfactory?" he asked her, taking a sip of his water 

Nodding vigorously, she assented her approval

"Of course! You have already lasted longer than the last two masters. And your work is far superior to theirs. Are you settling into your home?"

Normally he would hate this kind of chat, finding it prying and intrusive. But Margaret held an energy of care about her much like Minerva. Comforting, kind, no nonsense. He could let his guard down around her, a friend. 

His small apartment was becoming his own, the books lining the walls, minimal furniture but he didn't entertain. Truthfully, he felt more settled here in one month than he did at his old home of more than thirty years. 

"I am. Thank you" he offered a small smile, settling back as she chatted about the rush of influenza 

Suddenly two assistant healers came rushing in, tears streaming down their faces. Margaret sat back, nonplussed as she asked with a sigh what happened.

"Lena dropped... the newest batch....of healing potions...by, by, accident and..." the blonde girl hiccuped out, looking around as if she expected an attack 

"Mistress Kora..." the other woman, Lena, the dropper of potions, simply stated, trying to regain her composure. 

He stared at them bemusedly, remembering when he made students cry. It wasn't something he should have taken pride in, but it spoke to his need for some sort of dominance. A way to control his surroundings. A way to keep people from entering his circle, from getting too close. Plus, sometimes people did stupid things and needed put in their place. 

"Don't fret about it. You know how Kora is, I will talk with her. Go clean up and continue on. Perhaps Severus would be so kind as to brew us a new batch of potion?" Margaret soothed them, winking at him as if they were on some sort of inner circle together. 

He nodded, standing up to fix a new batch, leaving his lunch early. He made his way up to the tower, the faint sounds of violin touching his ears. Carefully opening the door as to not disturb, he watched as Kora skillfully drew the bow across the violin, gracefully moving from side to side in front of the big glass window. 

She played a slow and melancholic piece by, he thought, Tchaikovsky. He closed his eyes, standing against the far wall, allowing the music to encase him. He enjoyed playing the piano, something that not many people would know or believe about him. 

A few minutes later, the music stopped. He slowly opened his eyes to find her staring at him, bow gripped tightly in her left hand

"Don't you knock?!" she growled, putting away the violin in a huff 

"This isn't your private room. Perhaps you shouldn't treat it as such" he bit back, the verbal sparring second nature. 

"Why are you staring at me? It's rude" she breezed past him, whipping her apron on over her head 

"You flatter yourself if you think that I'm staring. I'm here to brew more healing potion, after you apparently sent two assistants into a crisis" he answered coldly, words like razor blades 

She scoffed before commenting annoyedly 

"They've been here over a year. They're just lazy and refuse to put the medicines away as they get them. Then they hurry, trying to dispense them and they fall. It's disrespectful to our time and effort and I told them as such" 

He didn't disagree. Preferring to keep the compliment to himself, he nodded at her, beginning the prep for the spare medicine. 

She stood in front of him as if she had more to say but decided better of it. The errand strands of white hair stood out against the black, her nose broad and straight. 

"Perhaps you should, as the Muggles say, take a picture" he snarked, a smirk curling up his lips 

She whirled around, the smell of snow wafting towards him. 

He won that discussion.


	3. Arctic Expedition

The winter had turned into spring, the snow still laying thick on the ground, but the wind didn't sting. April brought people out into the world, faces turned to the sun, taking the long way to work. 

But not him. He enjoyed the cold, the silence and weight it held. Five months had passed since beginning at the hospital, and he had begun to assimilate in ways he never expected. Offering small contributions to the conversation at lunch with the staff, able to walk to the market with minimal fear, and striking up a friendship with Margaret. He easily grew into the swing of potions making, keeping up with Kora, the hospital running on peak efficiency. 

He sighed. Kora. They battled. Ferociously. Verbally fencing day by day. Trading barbs like oxygen. Daily trading secrets about how best to slice or crush an ingredient. Competing against the other to see who could make the most effective potions. Sometimes he won, and sometimes he lost. She was a mystery to him. He knew nothing about her. Perhaps that was for the better. You couldn't get close to someone if you knew nothing about them. 

That afternoon, they were cleaning up, having fallen into a familiar routine, when Margaret ambled in, her long hair plaited across her shoulder. 

"Kora, are you leaving tomorrow for your trip to the North?" she asked kindly, her clipboard out. 

Trip? 

"Yes. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I'll be back on Monday for a half day" she answered in her throaty muddled accent that he still hadn't figured out. 

"Perhaps Severus should go with you" Margaret suggested, as if it had just popped into her mind 

Kora's eyes widened as she shook her head vigorously 

"No! I do this trip by myself. Every year. It's a lot of work and I don't want him dragging me down" 

He rolled his eyes at her dismissal before interjecting placidly 

"And why would I want to spend a weekend with you traipsing around in the cold?" 

"Margaret, it's a long broom ride, hours worth of hiking, we sleep outside, and I can't just bring a stranger to the North lands" Kora explained in what he recognized as her trying to be patient voice, ignoring him completely 

What was this trip even about? 

"You wouldn't be bringing a stranger. You're colleagues. Every year Kora goes to the North lands and retrieves reindeer placenta, organs, and other useful parts for potions specific to our area. Severus has never seen these potions before, I'm certain of that. It would be a great learning opportunity" Margaret explained, purposely piquing his interest. 

Kora bit her lip before continuing to argue 

"I'm not his teacher. What if he doesn't want to go? Did you even ask?" 

The two women turned to him and he suddenly felt very small. He was walking into a very dangerous situation. Like a slab of meat being tossed into a lions den. Tread lightly. 

"I don't want to intrude upon your trip Kora, but I would find it...intriguing to harvest from the reindeer herd. Should you choose to gift me with permission" he responded tactfully, placing all the weight on her side of the scale. 

"Why are you doing this to me Margaret? You know I do this alone" Kora demanded, arms crossed, a bit of a tremor to her voice, whether from anger or sadness he couldn't tell. 

"You will be able to get twice the amount of ingredients with Severus there. This is a trip for the hospital, and he works here now too. I'm not doing this to punish you Kora" Margaret answered softly, imploring with her eyes some unspoken thing 

"It doesn't feel that way. But fine. Meet me here tomorrow at five am. Don't be late" Kora gave in exasperatedly, rolling up her knife kit and storming out of the room. 

He wasn't certain what was happening, but the prospect of new research thrilled him.

——————

He crunched over the snow, walking behind the hospital to meet up with Kora. He couldn't remember the last time he was truly excited about something. The unknown generally terrified him, he needed a plan. But he had to get over that this weekend. 

Kora leaned against the wall, eyes closed, hair pinned tightly back, two brooms beside her, a full to bursting backpack beside her feet, laced up with heavy hiking boots. A knot of unease twisted in his gut. He hated flying. His body didn't move the correct way, his power lay in his brain not his limbs. Shifting his backpack uneasily, he greeted his colleague quietly, the world still asleep. 

"I brought you a spare broom. It's the hospitals so don't destroy it" she explained, pointing at the wooden stick propped against the wall 

He forced his expression to stay neutral. Gods, he really hated broom flying. The memory of the last time he flew invaded his mind. Accidentally chopping off George Weasley's ear in an attempt to save him had not been the highlight of his career. The guilt still gnawed at his conscience. The thought still made him sick. 

She shoved the broom into his hand as she turned away from him, abruptly kicking off the ground, yelling back over her shoulder 

"Keep up. It's a three hour flight" 

Cloaking himself in invisibility, he kicked off awkwardly, lifting into the air with only a slight wobble. Easily catching up to her, he stared straight ahead at the white and puffy clouds filled with mist, stinging and cooling his skin. Don't think about the height, don't think about falling helplessly through the air...he repeated over and over, heart nearly beating out of his chest. 

He dared to glance over at Kora, and to his dismay, her arms were spread wide, head thrown all the way back as the broom zipped through the air, face completely carefree. Despite his fear for her safety, he smiled, this side of her refreshing to see. She always seemed soul tired and older than her age. Now her whole body exuded life and vibrancy. 

He turned back to his broom, focusing all his energy on staying alive as they flew over the icy ocean, which turned into half thawed flatlands. He followed her as she began the descent, ears popping like kernels of corn. He let out a breath that he hadn't been aware that he was holding, feet landing blessedly on the semi solid earth. 

"I've been coming here for five years. It took a long time to build up trust with this community, follow my lead, please?" her tone surprisingly soft, spinning his expectations dizzy 

He gave in immediately, nodding his head. Side by side they shuffled to a small house with the chimney smoking. Giving three heavy knocks, the door opened and a tall man with short black hair peered around skeptically. When he noticed Kora, a grin broke out onto his face as he picked her up and spun her around giddily. 

"Mistress Kora! We were waiting for you! And you've brought someone with you?" he sat her down, zoning in on Severus. 

"This is my colleague Master Severus Snape. He came along to assist me, if that is alright" her voice toned down, head low, palms out 

The tall man stared at him, almost as if he was using legilimency but he felt nothing. A minute passed before he nodded, motioning them over to his table where their settings appeared. 

"How long have you worked with Kora?" asked the man, pouring out a fragrant black tea into their cups 

"Five months" Severus answered, sipping the strong tea. 

Assam. No sugar. Brewed perfectly. 

"This is Eiven. He is a friend of mine, he herds reindeer with his family. They very kindly allow me to tag along during the birthing season to gather ingredients that we otherwise wouldn't have access to. We're very grateful" Kora explained to Severus, a smile on her face. 

He murmured his gratitude to Eiven, unable to look away from Kora; broad shoulders relaxed, body at ease, eyes crinkled at the edges from her smile. Happy. How did she come to find this small village? The two had some sort of relationship, platonic or romantic? Familial? The unanswered questions piling up in his mind. 

"Let's head out. The reindeer are about an hour away, my family is waiting there " Eiven directed, the three of them dressing back up in their winter necessities as the Arctic wind blasted against their bodies. 

As they walked through the snow, he breathed in deeply. He didn't recognize his own life. Traipsing about in unknown lands with a colleague he barely knew, trusting in a man he had only just met to keep them safe in extremely uninhabitable wilderness. But, perhaps that was a good thing. A new era. Time for him to believe in himself and others. 

His legs burned with the exercise, not used to doing more than climbing the tower and standing about the lab. Just when he thought he might have to call it quits, a large white hut came into sight with a blazing fire. 

Over a small hill, they stood and watched as a large group of horned animals clustered together, grazing at the grass. For a few moments, Severus marveled at the communication, the silent ripple as the head leader alerted the others to the entrance of humans. They recognized Eiven, several trotting over as he began tossing out some food. 

"That one is ready to give birth. Once she does, I'll take the placenta and store it. You can hand me the vials and the bags" Kora explained, motioning for him to follow her to a swollen reindeer

Heart pounding, he watched as the mammal panted on the ground, not making a sound. His mind flashed back involuntarily to a woman lying strapped to a table at a meeting with the dark lord. A muggle. Pregnant. Nine months. Shaking away the memory, he watched as a clear bag slipped out of the reindeer, a small black calf still swimming unaware inside.

The world swam around him as the image of a baby jumped to the front of his mind. 

"Born en-cul. It's good luck! Here, you do it" Kora told him, a happy smile on her face, she held out a sharp switch blade 

He stared at the knife, hands shaking and sweating, the bile rising in his throat. 

"Do it Severus. It's a good omen. A muggle to start off our meeting" the dark lord gleefully explained to him, the other death eaters around the table, looking down at their laps when not being addressed 

A blade with passed over from Lucius, he held it out without making eye contact. 

"Severus! Do it! This is an honor. I'm giving it to you. Cut the sack" Kora persuaded him, more than a tinge of impatience and annoyance coloring her voice as she waited for him to move 

"Severus! Do it, now. This is an honor I am bestowing upon you for killing my second greatest enemy, Dumbledore. Cut the Muggle and the spawn within. Two less vermin in the world" Voldemort hissed. 

He fought to keep down his stomach. He hadn't been asked to participate in any killings. Minus Albus. But that wasn't truly a killing. This would be. How could he get out of this? 

His hand shook with the knife, eyes glazing over and unable to think. His face tingled and all he could feel was the weight of doom, enclosing him and cutting off his air. She placed her hand over his and with one slice, punctured the sack and the newborn calm rolled onto the ground. 

"Why did you do that?!" he yelled, jumping up, swaying and losing his balance, tripping onto his knees

The dark lord watched as he sliced open the woman's rounded stomach, blood beginning to pour out as she screamed in agony. He forced his knees still. 

"My Lord, I wouldn't want to keep the fun all to myself. Perhaps I can share with someone else while I go and see to the potions I am brewing?" he leveled his voice, holding out the knife 

The dark lord nodded in agreement, his mood great at the death of Albus and the prospect of torture. 

"Yes, yes. Good thinking Severus. Come, come, Bellatrix, you next but save some for Dolohov" 

He turned and walked as calmly as he could out the door, unable to mask the screams and the vision of the infant securely encased in its mother's womb, unaware that its life, barely begun, was about to end. 

"I was helping! What's the matter with you?!" she yelled back, tucking the offending weapon back into her bag 

"I didn't want to! I never wanted to!" his voice wobbled, the darkness coming around his eyes, threatening his consciousness. 

He hated this feeling. Weak. Unavoidable. Fear. Panic. He couldn't hold it down anymore, the vomit forcefully expelling as he turned away from her, kneeling down on the ground with his head in his hands. Ashamed. 

He heard her moving vials, storing what she needed. He focused on his breath. Staring at the crystallized grass on the ground. 

"Severus..." she whispered nervously, kneeling beside him, tentatively placing a hand on his shoulder 

"Leave me be Kora" he snarled, hands gripping his knees in a desperate attempt to ground himself. 

"Can I help?" she asked timidly, hand still hovering over his skin 

"I think you've done enough" he growled, not caring that he was ignoring whatever help she was offering 

Standing, she walked awkwardly towards the white tent, arms swinging slowly. He breathed in the cold air, summoning the last bit of energy that he had and stood up. Turning to his right, he watched as the baby calf stood up, and took two small steps.

He could surely do the same. 

———————

He didn't speak to her for the rest of the night. Or anyone for that matter. Instead, he made his way into his tent and tried to fall asleep only to toss and turn with dreams of his past. The memories hadn't been so vivid in months. 

This was the worst time to fall back into the valley of despair. 

They spent the Saturday collecting discarded antlers, hooves, and the buoyant excess skin from deceased animals. That he could handle. Eiven and Kora spoke easily in another language, and he didn't mind that he was left out. The panicked feelings still threatened to explode his body. He did as he was told, wordlessly. 

As the night rolled around again, he thanked Eiven for his hospitality. Laying back on his bed, he covered his face. Perhaps this was a bad decision. 

"Severus?" Kora's voice entered from the tent flap

"You're already in. What do you want?" he demanded, sitting up on his cot. 

Sauntering over, she eased herself down onto the bed. Her foot jostled beside his, nervousness racing up and down her leg.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I forget sometimes..." she stuttered, fumbling around her words, wrapping her fingers tightly together 

He turned to look at her, cheeks blushing in embarrassment, looking at the floor. He had never seen her so contrite. Or demure. A twinge of remorse worked its way through him. He didn't want to say it was okay. It wasn't. She shouldn't have pushed him. She broke his boundaries. But, he also knew what it felt like to open yourself up to someone new. It was a terrifying free fall. 

"Forget what?" he demanded, not willing to give in easily 

She didn't answer immediately, instead choosing to dig her toes into the ground 

"I forget that other people have pain too" she admitted, not looking into his eyes 

"How do you know what pain I live with?" he asked defensively, she was getting dangerously close to what he desperately tried to hide 

"You were yelling in your sleep..." she told him almost ashamedly 

His heart sank. He didn't want anyone to know that. Especially Kora. They worked together and needed to maintain the professionalism. He couldn't let her into his personal life. He sighed. She already heard him. Who knew what he yelled in his sleep. The thought made his heart race anxiously. 

"And you enjoyed it?" he bit back, angry at letting down his guard 

"No! I came to apologize but if you don't want it then forget it" she said indignantly, standing up angrily 

He was messing this up. Again. 

"Wait! I didn't meant that..." he called out quickly, not wanting her to leave. 

She sat back down beside him, unsure of what to say, obviously out of her element. The effort impressed him, even if the execution lacked finesse. 

"Thank you for bringing me" he decided to open up a few moments later

Instead of getting defensive, she nodded with a small smile 

"You're welcome. Please don't tell anyone about this place. It is very special to me. My soul is broken open anew every time I come here" 

He warmed a little at her admission. Able to see under her shell a little. He should open a little too as a sign of good faith. 

"I won't tell. Please don't tell anyone about what happened to me either. I don't need pitied." 

"I won't. I promise. Would you like to learn how to cook down the salve that I invented? It heals all wounds nearly instantly. We use it for the worst of wounds at the hospital" she offered, standing up, more than ready to escape their bubble of vulnerability. 

He had never heard of a cure all salve. He followed her out to the fire, ready to learn.


	4. We’re Not Friends

June 2000

"Hello Severus! May I sit with you?" asked a bubbly voice 

He looked up from his seat in the cafeteria, a perky red headed woman with a high ponytail and brown eyes stood waiting for his answer. Malin. She was a healer for the magical maladies unit. They occasionally chatted when she needed extra potions or he dropped them off at her desk. Their interactions had been cordial, but by the way she stood now, he wondered if he hadn't missed something. 

He nodded, his mouth drying. Interacting with women wasn't his strong suit. He got nervous and didn't know what to say. Women didn't ordinarily try to speak with him either. Not that he hadn't had a surge of romantic suitors try to bed him after that trash article in the Daily Prophet. Women desperately wanting to be the one who healed him. A conquest. He hated it all. 

"Are you enjoying the warmer weather?" she questioned kindly, drinking her coffee 

Why did people insist on talking about the weather? Why couldn't they just think up a topic worth discussing? 

"Yes, thank you. Has your patient healed properly from that botched engorgement charm?" he followed up after a patient that stumbled in early that morning, barely unable to walk...

She giggled, rolling her eyes as she touched his hand 

"Yes, thanks to your potion" 

He shook his head, readily deflecting the praise 

"The thanks go to Kora for that one; I have no experience brewing that particular shrinking potion" 

Her face faltered, but she quickly replaced it with another smile 

"Oh. You can tell her, I don't really...get along with Kora. She's kind of...mean" 

That was the general consensus. That Kora was mean and callous. Snippy and jagged. When in reality, she was hiding. Hiding underneath that facade. He knew from experience. But he didn't want to be the one to pull her out from under it. 

"I suppose so" he replied ambivalently, leaning back in his chair 

"The bitch witch?" called over Anders from the next table, an intake wizard 

A flutter weaved it's way through the room as several people called out insults ranging from "evil incarnate" to "ice queen." 

People loved to come together against a common enemy and gossip, whether or not Kora knew they did this was beyond him. He didn't have to participate but he wasn't certain how to stop it either. He was usually the one on the receiving end of the insults. 

"Do you like working with her?" Malin asked incredulously after the chatter had died down 

"I enjoy my job" was his evasive answer, tearing his eyes away from her cleavage as she leaned forwards towards him 

"Well, your days might have to be spent with her but perhaps you would like to spend your night with me?" she sprung on him, a seductive smile crossing her slim face 

His heart thudded irregularly. Was she offering him sex? A date? Him? Panic flooded his veins and all he wanted was to be back in front of a cauldron.

"Uh...I'm not sure...I appreciate it Malin but I'm not ready to..." he stuttered through a half assed apology before she laughed dismissively 

"What? Have dinner? I could warm you up after all your time in the tower?" she teased, touching his foot with hers 

He needed to leave. Right now. 

"No thank you, I should get back to work" he replied brusquely, the insults lingering in his mind like a thorn. 

As he turned the corner, he nearly ran into someone. Kora. She leaned against the wall, arms crossed and eyes closed. 

"What are you doing?" he demanded, annoyed at her for no reason other than she was in his way. 

"I was going to see if you wanted to come with me and harvest some lingonberries since you said you never had them before. But I guess getting propositioned with sex and making fun of me was better" she spit the words at him, his face heating up with embarrassment 

"I wasn't laughing at you" he halfheartedly tried to defend himself, knowing that he was in the wrong. 

He had been on the receiving end of that conversation way too many times to count. He had been the one that people made fun of because he was awkward, rude, and angry. And when he had the chance to make it right, he didn't. 

Her eyes rolled so far back in her skull, he could only see white. She stomped down the hall, several medi-witches careening out of her way as she flung open the entrance doors with her wand. He groaned, annoyed at the situation he found himself in. He just wanted a job. Not any of these issues. 

He waited in the tower for her, two hours ticking by. He had finished up the days worth of potions and put away the last vial when the door opened and she strode in, her arms full of bright red berries in baskets.

"We can start brewing the kidney cleanse potion tomorrow with all of these" she told him lightly, way too breezy. 

"Should we talk about earlier?" he brought it up as she spread out the bright red berries to dry 

"About how you laughed at me? And didn't defend me in front of the whole hospital?" she threw back defensively, shrugging her shoulders 

What was she talking about? Surely she knew how everyone felt about her. She didn't try to make friends. Why would it bother her? 

"You don't exactly try to make friends, surely you're aware of what they say" he argued, arms crossed 

She whirled around, hands on her hips 

"I know what they say about me! And I don't care. But I thought you would..." she stopped herself, cheeks flushing. 

What should he have done? 

"Thought what?" he pushed, taking a few steps towards her 

Brushing past him, she shook her head vehemently 

"Never mind. I'm going home" 

"Thought what Kora?" he called out, stomach sinking at the realization that he had inadvertently let her down 

"I thought that you would try to defend me..." she spoke softly, one hand on the door knob

He scoffed, not able to hold back his derision 

"Why would I defend you?" 

"I just thought..." she cut herself off, voice hard as steel as she slammed the door behind her. 

What did she want from him? All they did was fight and bicker. Why would he defend her when he was certain she hated him? And why would she care about what people thought about her when she treated them so poorly? 

Because it was all a coping mechanism. The realization shattered down around him. He did the same thing. Put up the fence so no one can get in. She had built him a gate and he slammed it shut. This was why he didn't make friends.

He strode across the room, quickly skipping down the stairs to catch up to her while she was still in the tower. His mind flashed back to chasing Lily and he would be damned if he messed up again. 

"Kora! Come on, don't be a child. What were you going to tell me" he insisted as he caught up to her. 

Stopping on a dime, she turned around, staring up at him, spilling out the words like acid 

"I thought we were friends! But you're right, we're nothing" 

"You thought we were friends? All we do is fight, you ignore me when we're not arguing. I know nothing about you, and you try to purposely make me mad. I've never had a friend but I'm fairly certain that isn't what one looks like!" he snarled back at her, not caring that he was hurting her feelings or that he just divulged an incredibly personal fact about himself 

She nodded, her shoulders slumped down before she wished him goodnight 

"I'll see you tomorrow. Have fun on your date with Malin" 

She hadn't heard him say no. Hadn't heard him turn down the request for easy sex. 

"I told her no" he answered to her retreating back. 

She didn't acknowledge him. 

He sighed. He needed a drink.


	5. Tea and Knives

August 2000

"Good morning" he greeted Kora as she glided into the tower a few days later after a long weekend. 

"Good morning. Would you like some tea?" she asked, pulling out her sachet of dried leaves and herbs from her backpack. 

He arched his eyebrow. Every morning she brewed two cups of tea and drank them both. He never minded, he drank his morning cup before he left the house. This recent change made him wonder if she was up to something. He wouldn't put it past her to poison him for not taking up for her last week in front of their coworkers. 

"I'm not poisoning you if that's what you're thinking. Everyone would suspect me right away. You were right. Don't gloat...I could be nicer to you. But don't tell anyone" she explained, pouring the sachet into a cauldron of boiling water. 

"No one would believe me anyway, you and the word nice don't belong in the same sentence" he answered back flippantly, the floral Darjeeling scent tickling his nose.

Together they sat down at the small table in the corner, overlooking the vast flat lands of Kiruna, homes and buildings dotting the ground far below, blowing on the steaming hot liquid 

"I was wrong. I should have stood up for you. No one ever stood up for me, but...I should have. I'm sorry" he apologized fully after several minutes of silence, the weight of expectation on his chest, hating every second of it. 

A smile began to inch across her face as she admitted sheepishly 

"I know I'm hard to get along with" 

"That's the understatement of the year" he replied back sarcastically, rolling his eyes at her.

"Screw you" she immediately threw at him, tone not as sharp as usual, teasing 

She was right. He leaned more toward stoic in this setting. He didn't try to scare her, because he held no power here. He was simply another man, trying to make a way. Sometimes he missed putting the fear of god into people by just a single look. Having people move to the side when he passed. But, that's not who he had to be anymore. And, fear wasn't synonymous with respect; he had learned that perhaps too late. 

"You don't seem to mind being around me" he managed to tease back, working to keep the accusation out of his statement 

"You're not the worst person I've ever had to work with" she admitted with a blush, looking down at the table 

He noticed her left hand had a white indentation around the ring finger, so where was the ring? Margaret hadn't mentioned a husband when she told him about Kora during their interview. Perhaps she didn't want anyone to know she was married? Or engaged. He forced himself to stop speculating as he replied back drily 

"High praise indeed" 

She stifled a laugh, draining her cup quickly as she stood to get to work.

——————

"You're here early?" she questioned as he strained out the loose leaves from their cups the next morning 

"I thought I should return the favor of tea. I prefer a strong earl grey..." he told her, sitting the cups down

Staring at him skeptically, she added a heavy drizzle of honey before peppering him 

"So what? We're going to be friends now? Do you still feel guilty? I need answers" 

He let out a frustrated sigh. Why did she have to make things so difficult? He didn't feel guilty. He already apologized. Conversation was easy enough with anyone like Margaret or Malin, or Thaddeus. But he wanted something else. To talk deeply. To be understood. To have...A friend. He had changed his position from when he started. He found her presence familiar and infuriating. He had to try. He skipped the sarcasm for once, simply choosing to whisper her name 

"Kora..." 

Her green eyes flicked up into his, an emotion he hadn't seen from her before: fear. 

"I'm not good at...this" she whispered back, eyes dilated wide, shifting uncomfortably, shoulders slumped in defeat, motioning at the table where he had brought pastries as well. 

He understood. A life lived in pain, fear, solitude...Not that she had lived through that. He didn't know. It felt impossible to widen the circle, to let others in. Worthless and terrifying. Most days he didn't think it worth it to widen the circle, but maybe one person at a time. He could start with her. 

"At drinking tea? It's simple, you hold the cup to your lips and swallow" he heckled, taking delight in making her squirm 

"Yes, Severus. At drinking tea. It always manages to burn me" she continued the metaphor, staring at him over the rim of her cup 

Without missing a beat he replied silkily 

"Then perhaps you should drink it more slowly" 

———————

September 2000

"Are you two ready for a late night? I'm sorry to say that a group of rowdy teenagers brewed a batch of Amortentia and they've all been admitted with what we're calling 'love sickness'. They dosed the whole school. They're vomiting, delirious, and needed to be restrained in order to keep their clothes on. How long will it take to make the antidote?" Margaret bustled in that afternoon, flustered and annoyed at the recklessness of teenagers.

He and Kora looked at each other, wordlessly beginning to roll out the knives, mortars and pestles. It would be at least three hours for the first batch. And that would only counteract a dozen or so students. A whole school? They would be there all night. 

In the following weeks since their daily morning tea ritual began, the conversation flowed easier. Neither so guarded that they stayed silent. A gradual blossoming still in its tightly held protective bud. 

"Three hours, at the best for the first batch" he informed Margaret, who rubbed her forehead exhaustedly before thanking them again and dashing out the door. 

"Stupid teenagers. They're lucky they didn't kill themselves or get someone pregnant" Kora grumbled, adding some snapped up wiggentree roots into the castor oil, continuously stirring so it didn't burn 

Love potion was a volatile concoction and deceptively hard to master. Too strong and the receiver would be unconscious, unable to consent. The danger lied in the fact that it was color and odorless, unable to be detected until it was too late. He learned how to brew a precise potion but never used it. 

He had morals. As grey and foggy as some may have been, others were sharp and defined. Love couldn't be made or forced. 

"Trust me, this isn't the worst they could have done" he surmised, pouring castor oil into his own cauldron, remembering the worst students over his years of teaching 

"What was the worst?" she questioned curiously, passing him a pair of gloves as he began stirring 

"An explosion of the draught of living death. Almost killed us all. Luckily the amount of ingredients was off...Still spent a week in the infirmary..." he remembered with a shudder all the dead skin that peeled off his legs. 

She allowed a corner of her lip to curl up, hair hanging in her face so he couldn't see her expression as she asked with a tinge of hopeful anticipation 

"Will you tell me more stories? We're going to be here awhile" 

Stories. He had thousands of those. And they felt removed from him, pieces of his life that fluttered away like leaves in the fall. Movies where he watched but wasn't necessarily involved. He could talk about that. 

Several hours later, he told her one final story, laughing at the memory even though at the time he had been livid 

"I was teaching, when suddenly a venomous tentacula flew into my classroom, attaching itself to my leg and torso. Blasted it off but still needed a visit to the head nurse. That student became an Auror...She died fighting the final battle..." 

He stopped cleaning for a moment, remembering Tonks and her ridiculous antics and love for a werewolf...She shouldn't have died. No one should have. Noticing his sudden silence, Kora looked up from her station, retying her hair into a ponytail, expression mixed with concern and awkwardness. 

"None of it was fair" she mentioned faintly, almost to herself as he gathered up his belongings, the medicine dispensed and effectively taken. 

He shook his head as he passed her on the way out the door, fighting the surge of memories that shot to the surface like a geyser, needing to flee as quickly as possible 

"Life isn't fair Kora. Nothing ever happens as it should. I will see you in the morning"

———————  
September 2000

"Faszom!" Kora yelled loudly, gripping her hand as the knife clattered to the countertop 

The foreign word hung in the air as he watched the blood pour from a several inch gash on her palm. He hurried to her side, pulling her hand close to his chest, the warm blood covering his fingers as he began incanting vulnera sanentur, concentrating on staunching the flow and directing it back into her body. 

The gash immediately closed back up, skin slightly discolored but no other telltale signs of trauma. 

"What language was that?" he asked as he placed her hand onto the counter top

"Hungarian. What spell was that? I've never heard it" she requested, face still pale from shock 

"It's actually a remedy to a curse I invented when I was young and angry" he admitted, scenes of Draco's nearly lifeless body lying in a pool of water in the bathroom 

Hungarian. He still hadn't asked her background after all these months and now he knew. 

"Will you teach it to me?" she requested, flexing her hand as if she couldn't believe it still functioned 

"Of course" he answered with a nod, resisting the urge to tell her to sit down 

"You've got my blood on your shirt" she noted with an embarrassed grimace 

"I'll just tell everyone you tried to kill me" he retorted, breaking the uneasy tension between them, the kind that comes from too much vulnerability in a short amount of time. 

"That's definitely more believable" she joked with a laugh, short and breathy. 

A light hearted feeling rushed through his limbs. He made someone feel better. He helped with no incentive. No long drawn out thought process. Just a person in need and he fixed it. And she was grateful. 

He could do this new life. And do it well.


	6. Kora’s Secret

November 2000

"We are fifty potions behind and it is your fault!" Kora seethed, black strands of stray hair whipping around her face, summoning herbs from the rack behind his head 

He rolled his eyes, allowing the vitriol to seep out in his defense 

"You were the one who took the order. Not me. Obviously it's your fault" 

"You read the order! Why didn't you double check with me that the number was correct?" she yelled from across the room, stomping in emphasis 

"I shouldn't need to double check! You yell at me for doubting you when I do!" he raised his voice, annoyance at her antics bristling him 

"I do not!" she retorted snottily 

"The hell you don't! I can barely read your chicken scratch writing, you scream at me when I don't check and when I do. I am more than willing to be culpable for things, but this is not my fault! You will not speak to me this way" he yelled angrily, the baritone of his growl rumbling down from the high vaulted ceilings

"In what way Severus?" she asked, arms folded across her chest 

"Like an imbecile!" he spat, his ego injured at her chiding 

"If the shoe fits!" she retorted, sneer on her rounded face 

"We're going down that route?! Angry, shrill, demanding, and caustic! That's the shoe that you should wear!" he rumbled, not caring that he could hurt her feelings. 

"You're just like every other man, unable to fathom a woman with just as much skill as you" she answered defiantly, grabbing her wand in her left hand, as if she expected him to fight

That was most certainly not the issue. He had no trouble admitting her expertise. She knew way more about infection preventatives than he did. His feathers still riled, he refused to give in without a fight 

"I have no problem admitting to someone else's superiority when they deserve it. Maybe you're not as great as you think!" he nearly whispered the last part, eyes burning into hers for maximum effect. 

"Then go!" she yelled back unfazed, flicking her wand at the door, opening it 

"Because that's your answer for everything! I'm not leaving Kora and you can't make me so why don't you just stop with all of these pathetic squabbles!" his voice still at top decible, the loss of control sending adrenaline down his arms and toes 

It had been a long time since emotion bubbled to his surface. He couldn't remember the last time he cared about a job enough to lose his temper. He had been holding back, afraid to let loose and speak his mind to her. But damn it all did she push his buttons. He wasn't a quitter and she couldn't make him. 

What was so wrong with him anyway? He brewed some of the best potions of his career while working here, they had been talking casually each day although he still suffered terribly with nightmares and yet he was...happy. This small technicality was being blown way out of proportion. Almost like Kora wanted him to be angry. It dawned on him, she was trying to pick a fight. Trying to push him away. He knew how to do that as well, expertly. 

Margaret hustled in, her long green healer's robe dragging behind her as she took in the scene of them both gripping the counter, shoulders tensed and faces stricken before she clucked

"The whole hospital can hear you two! Now what, pray tell, is going on?" 

Neither said anything. He held his silence; he could take anything to the grave. This wasn't a matter to be discussed with Margaret. Eyeing them wearily she commanded strictly 

"Alright then. I suggest you both get it together and move on. I can't have my two best potions makers disturbing the peace. I don't care what happened, just fix it. Understood?" 

They both nodded, silent until Margaret shut the door behind her. Together they took turns brewing the final dozen Dreamless sleep potions, bodies relaxing as the time passed and the routine comforted their nerves. 

"I do have shit handwriting. I'll fix it" she mentioned in passing, picking both of their cloaks off the hook, tentatively handing it to him, warm fingertips brushing against his, permanently cooler since his near death experience with Nagini 

"I'll double check if I have any reservations" he compromised, even if he didn't think he should have to. 

There wasn't anything left to say, yet neither made a move. Looking down, amongst the white streaks in her hair, he noticed a stray piece of valerian flower near her temple. Cautiously, he lifted his arm, holding his breath, the intimacy of the moment swirling around him. Gently, he picked out the bit of flower, floating it between them before dissolving it in a small puff of smoke. 

"Good night Severus" she muttered as she turned, skipping down the stairs, vanilla and rose perfume trailing behind her. 

Rattled. The both of them. 

———————

"Are you and Kora all squared away?" Margaret asked him two mornings later, inviting herself into the tower, bringing a light breakfast for them both 

Squared away. As much as he could possibly be with a shadow of a person. He realized how awful it must have been to work with him, not fully knowing anything or doubting your intuitions. Kora could be almost warm, but in a split second turn a corner and fight him into the ground. He refused to let her quill him into submission, and for the most part she respected that. 

"As much as I can be. We're both very...private people" he answered elusively, spreading jam on a muffin 

"I was worried you would quit after that last row. She can be a lot to handle" Margaret attempted to soothe him, figuring that he would be upset 

But he wasn't. He saw himself in Kora. That made it easier. Plus, she could take as well as she could give and the vicious verbal barrages only served to entertain him. 

"I'm not so thin skinned that I can't handle a hot tempered colleague. She is very accomplished. I am more than pleased to work alongside of her. I'm certain she looks past several of my less than desirable traits as well" he cautiously defended her, not wanting it to seem as if he fancied her. 

Respect and mutual adoration were two very different animals. He would not make that mistake again. 

"That is very charitable of you Severus. Well, you will get some time in the lab by yourself today. Kora sent me an owl this morning, she's not feeling well. She'll be gone tomorrow too. Must be something nasty, it is the beginning of the cold weather" Margaret informed him, a smile of understanding and a quick clasp of his shoulder. 

Two days off? He hadn't yet seen her take even a few hours of time off from work in the ten months he had been there. Wondering if he should brew her some potions, he mused she probably already had them if she wanted them. But it might be a gesture of goodwill? 

Or it would be taken as a serious overstepping of his boundaries. If he brewed them, the most she could do was refuse to accept. That wasn't the worst thing in the world. It didn't mean anything more. Simply a friendly gesture. Normal people did that. Well adjusted and non-traumatized people.

"Master Snape? Is the first round ready for me?" came the slightly squeaky voice of Minty, the medi-elf 

He carried them over to the tiny creature, thanking him before inquiring 

"Minty, do you know where Mistress Kora lives? I would like to take her some brews" 

——————

At the end of a small lane stood a simple and square house. He didn't know what he expected. Maybe a lair? A dungeon akin to his at the castle. Dark and foreboding. But the white siding and red roof, as many of the homes in this area tended to have, screamed average and plain. Working at merging these two thoughts, he knocked on the dark wooden door, hollow and loud. 

A few minutes passed before the door squeaked open, Kora's pale face peeking around inquisitively if not a bit confused. 

"Severus?" her mouth agape, staring at him with bloodshot and swollen eyes, as if she couldn't believe he was in front of her 

"I haven't seen you take one day off in the ten months I've worked with you. I figured you were on the brink of death so I brought you some cold and flu potions" he explained with a smirk 

"Oh...Thank you" she replied hesitantly, taking the four vials from him sans sarcasm 

"You're not going to ask if I poisoned them?" he joked, sensing that something more than sickness was wrong 

"I would welcome it at this point" she spoke softly, a sad smile flashed at him 

"I hope you feel better" he wished her well, turning to walk away knowing he should say more but unsure of what 

"Can you come in?" she swung the door open, chewing the inside of her cheek, short legs crossed at the ankles

He hesitated, awkwardness washing from the top of his head to his feet. He wanted to run away but something anchored him to the spot. 

"I...I should get home..." he declined, instantly regretting it as her face fell

"Oh. Right. You're right. Thanks for these...Good night Severus" her voice cracked as she began to shut the door. 

"Wait! I can stay. For a little while" he amended his statement clumsily 

"I don't need your pity" she managed to growl at him

"It's not pity. I forget...That I should be around people sometimes..." he admitted, already more honest than he wanted to be 

Staring at him, she opened the door wide, allowing him to pass.

Glancing around, he held back his shock. 

Hardwood floors, a large bay window with muslin curtains, an oversized green couch decorated with yellow throw pillows. A grey woolen carpet in front of the white stone fireplace. A tortoiseshell cat hopped down from a large bookshelf, padding its way over to him, quickly wrapping itself around his leg as he bent over to pat its head 

"His name is Puff. What are you thinking?" she asked incredulously, tapping his shoes with her bare feet 

Slipping his shoes off, he shook his head with a shoulder shrug.

"Did I let you down? You imagined something more dark and wicked?" she questioned sardonically 

"Yes, as a matter of fact. I'm terribly upset" he teased, standing in place until she told him where to go 

"Sorry to disappoint. Although you're welcome to tell everyone I live in a cave with all the bats and vampires. I'm sure they would believe it more than this" she managed to smile, motioning for him to sit on the couch beside her, pouring a healthy shot of scotch 

"You better take those potions before you start drinking" he advised, draining his glass in one go, nervous at the unknown situation

She shifted in her spot beside him, her black night shirt pulled over her knees as she crossed them under herself, arms wrapped around her stomach 

"I'm not really sick Severus" she disclosed, the underneath of her eyes colored deep lilac from lack of sleep 

Should he ask, or give her room to talk at her own speed? Did he want to know? He should. Taking the glass bottle in hand, he poured them each another shot. She threw it back, and then another. 

"Can we just... sit?" she muttered, hair clipped back from her face, prominent white streaks standing out from the inky black 

Angling his body to the left, he tucked his leg under himself as well to be face to face with her. Silently, she flicked her wand at the fireplace, a gently crackling fire spouted, instantly warming the room. Forcing his shoulders to relax, he drew in a deep breath.

The light filtering through the window slowly darkened so only the outline of her face was visible against the orange flickering flames 

"I'm alone so often that I forget what it feels like to be with another person..." she spoke softly minutes later, the burning of the logs and clicking of cat claws keeping time 

"I can relate to that" he said truthfully

He spent every night by himself for most of his life. Except as a student at Hogwarts, his roommates were tolerable. The silence didn't scare him anymore. It was a welcome reprieve from the noise in his head. 

"How do you hold the weight of solitude?" she questioned, more to herself than to him 

How did he? He used to tell himself that his silence had purpose. He couldn't jeapordize anyone's life. His purpose was to keep Lily's son safe. That made the silence worth it.The deep and profound quiet that pressed on the walls of his soul. 

"I may not be the best person to ask that" he responded delicately 

"But I am asking you" she scooted closer to him, her legs now fully overlapped across his calves, eyes burning into his with expectancy 

"I didn't handle it well. I hurt a lot of people. I had to, for the mission. I couldn't let anyone get close" he admitted readily, unsure of where this sudden surge of openness came from 

That seemed to appease her. The placement of her legs kept him tethered and rigid to the spot. Her perfume prevalent: vanilla, amber, and rose. It blended perfectly with her skin. 

"Do you still remember?" she asked broadly, fidgeting with her hands 

Of course he did. It's all he thought about in his free time. It pushed his actions. Haunted him in all his decisions. He remembered every person he couldn't save. Every lie he told. Every insult and barb. Every lost connection. 

"I remember everything" he whispered, trying not to focus on how soft her skin felt on the exposed portion of his pant leg. 

"Some days the weight feels like I'm breaking in half" she admitted, squeezing herself in beside him, head on his shoulder, strong and slim hand resting on his stomach, bare legs with thick socks swung over his thighs 

"I've been broken...You just rebuild" he offered as some form of consolation, keeping a tight reign on the turmoil threatening to unleash in his gut 

Had she fallen asleep? What was the next course of action? 

"Severus?" she whispered nearly an hour later, breathing deep and shallow. 

Forcing his voice to remain even he answered 

"Kora?" 

"Have you ever been in love?" she asked feebly, exhaustion evident in her strained voice 

He drew in a sharp breath, heart beating out of rhythm. Love. He thought he loved Lily. That she could love him. But it was just an idea. He held on tightly to her because she was the first person to treat him like a person. In his haste to keep her, he had acted jealously and pushed her away. She never wanted anything except friendship and he accepted that but when she befriended his tormentors, he realized how shallow her feelings truly were. That stung worse. 

"I thought I was. But it was a lie I created to survive" he relinquished the long held truth that he found so shameful in the darkness of the frozen night 

"Do you think love is just a one time thing? Or do we get second chances?" came the question from near his chest, her voice so far departed from its regular assertive and bossy tone he barely recognized it 

He hoped it wasn't just once. Love was energy. It had to continue. 

"I hope we do get second chances...Perhaps it's not the same each time. Or the same with each person. Love changes in the same way grief does I suppose..." he mustered, dangerously closing to running away because the conversation was getting too personal 

Silence. But it wasn't awkward. He simultaneously wanted to stay and flee. 

"I was married...Six years ago today my husband died. I miss him so..." Kora divulged in a rushed whisper, shoulders sinking as if the expulsion of secrecy deflated her lungs 

He didn't know what to say. Marriage. The ultimate bond...Broken. She had experienced love and loss. Seen the entire spectrum of a relationship in such a short amount of time. Of course she would want to hide away. Her breathing had slowed, and a slight whistle came from her nose. 

She had fallen asleep this time. 

Holding her in place with a spell, he stood, stretching his numb legs. Using a weightless enchantment, he picked her up in his arms, wondering if he was taking advantage of her by not simply levitating her. He too enjoyed the presence of another. 

Walking back the hallway, he easily found her room, the scent of sage and lavender greeted him as he lay her down atop a deep purple bedspread and silver pillows lay atop a queen sized bed. He covered her quickly, not daring to spend time thinking. On the bedside table he noticed a picture frame, enchanted. 

Kora stood with the happiest smile, wide and free beside a handsome man with dark brown hair swept back from his face. Arms wrapped around each other's waists, they stared love drunk into the other's eyes. 

The ring laying on the table beside the frame gleamed silver with intricate etchings and no gemstones. 

He turned, heart heavy with a feeling he couldn't quite place. He needed to get home to his own bed.

Alone.


	7. The Ceremony

April 2001

"Severus, please come. It is important for all of us" Minerva begged, coming all the way from Hogwarts to pressure him to attend the ceremony for the Order of Merlin.

He didn't deserve awards. He wasn't a hero. Certainly he saved Potter, but he killed someone. His closest confidante. Not out of malice, but it was still a death. Just war theory was no comfort to him when he awoke from the memory of Charity begging for her life. She would never know how deeply he regretted that. He barely escaped a prison sentence in Azkaban, he didn't need a reminder of what he had done. 

He didn't need to be around those who treated him horribly for years only now to turn around and laud him as a savior. 

Not to mention the fact that he still suffered flashbacks and panic attacks at the mere mention of Hogwarts or the former dark lord. Waking up bathed in sweat, certain he was having a heart attack. Knocked to his knees with intrusive thoughts. How could he withstand a whole ceremony? One in which he would have to make a speech? He wouldn't even know where to begin. 

"Minerva, you don't understand what you're asking of me. I don't want to relive the worst years of my life... To be a spectacle...My pain is not a source of inspiration " he explained, trying to be patient but feeling the panic twist in his muscles 

"Stand proud with your students. If not for yourself, for them" she tried another tactic, his loyalty 

He bristled as he answered 

"My whole life has been for them. Wouldn't you say it's my turn now? To live life for myself?" 

"One more time. I know I shouldn't ask it of you. But please. Just come. For me. For Albus. Allow the world to see you for what you truly are. Just once. Then you can hide up here in this frigid tower for as long as you like" Minerva resorted to her last ditch effort, guilt and friendship. 

It worked. He gave a loud sigh of resignation 

"Fine. I'll be there. May I bring a guest?" 

Her face brightened as she nodded happily. 

One last act.

————  
May 2001 

"I have a proposition for you" he offered to Kora as she walked into the tower the next day

She arched her eyebrow, smirk softening her features. 

Since that night in November, a wall had broken between them. They chatted more easily, comfortable around each other. There were no more huge revelations like when she admitted her marriage, but he didn't want to bring that up again. It was possible she didn't remember telling him. 

Her presence was fuel to fire, demanding, and exacting. But so was he. They sharpened the other as much as they grated each other's nerves. He enjoyed coming to work and having breakfast with her as well as walking halfway home with her until their paths split. Sharing the weight of loneliness. 

It was routine. Normal. Secure. Comfortable. 

"That sounds dangerous. I see you brought my favorite muffins on the table. What do you want me to do? Murder someone?" 

He took a deep breath, handing her a chocolate muffin as a diversion 

"Glad to know you would commit murder for a muffin. No, truthfully, it is something maybe worse. I am to give a speech at the ceremony for the First Class Orders of Merlin. The ministry also wishes to award me...and others, with honors. Minerva guilted me into accepting...I would be very grateful if you would go as my guest so you could hate it alongside of me" 

"I didn't say I would murder for a muffin. But I would contemplate it. I am so very touched that you asked me to spend a night with you doing something you hate" she teased, her sarcasm a welcome relief 

"You don't have to accept" he rolled his eyes, desperately hoping she wouldn't say no 

"Oh but I do. I can't miss an opportunity to see you squirm in the spotlight. Your one year anniversary surprise celebration was enough to get me through the winter" she joked back, giggling as she remembered his rampaging monologue after the whole staff had come to the tower with cake and songs and left it a sticky mess. 

"It's on May 8th. Two weeks away" he told her, beginning to squeeze bubotubers. 

"I can barely handle the anticipation" she snarked, rapidly chopping snowdrop flower at an impressive rate. 

—————

"Do we have to use the portkey?" Kora whined, her dress robes onyx black, pristine and crisp. 

"Quit whining, it's unbecoming. It's the fastest way to get there. Special ministry permission" he held out the wooden spoon to her, nervousness already clawing at him 

She preferred flying on the broom but he would rather chew glass. He much preferred apparition but the distance was too far. 

Groaning, she placed her hand on his arm and with the other gripped the spoon. Instantly, they stood on the bridge to Hogwarts. Kora looked up in wonder at the massive stone building. 

"All of Durmstrang could fit in a portion of your castle" she mused, hazel eyes taking in the scenery 

"I didn't know you attended Durmstrang" he mentioned casually, another small piece of her puzzle clicked into place 

"Since the reputation of it usually precedes me, I keep it fairly quiet. But from what I hear, things are changing for the better" she shrugged her shoulders, mesmerized as the giant door swung open for them. 

"Severus! I'm so glad you came!" Minerva gracefully walked toward them with her arms open, embracing him as he stood awkwardly, unsure of how to reciprocate. 

She dropped her arms from his shoulders, extending her hand to Kora with a warm smile 

"I'm headmistress Minerva McGonagall, who do I have the pleasure of meeting?" 

"Mistress Kora Kane. Thank you for allowing me to come" Kora shook her hand, bending her head down in a nod 

"The crowds have gathered on the Quidditch pitch. We had to enlarge the stands! The ministry is already here, as well as Potter, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and Mr. Longbottom. Come come, no need to be nervous" Minerva prattled on, ushering them down to the pitch. 

He heard the crowd before he saw it. A steady roar of cheers and happiness. Too much noise. His nerves jumped as if being electrocuted. His tongue felt too big for his mouth. 

"You look like you're about to projectile vomit" Kora murmured sympathetically 

"I'll be fine!" he snapped, angry at being patronized 

Feelings of inadequacy, rejection, and fear threatening to explode. The stars dotted his vision as his knees began to sway. He felt her arm loop around his, pulling him tightly to her side

"I want to represent you well. And I can't do that if you are passed out on the floor, now can I?" she chirped in her normal no-nonsense voice which immediately brought him back to reality 

She wanted to represent him well? For what? It dawned on him in a split second of realization. She wasn't embarrassed to be seen with him. She was proud and willing. She knew his past and took that on easily. He took in her straight back shoulders, head held high, arm firmly and visibly tucked around his. There was no denying that she was standing by his side. She was making that statement. Ready to put her own reputation on the line for him. 

He, Severus Snape, had a real and true friend. 

A new sense of purpose overcame him. He drew in a deep breath, allowing her to help support him. 

They walked out onto the Quidditch pitch as a hush fell over the crowd. The silence crashed through his eardrums. This had been a mistake. Then, suddenly, the stadium burst into applause. Glancing around, the thousands of faces blurred. They made their way to the first row, seated beside his former students. 

All four stood clapping and smiling. He tried to smile, the action odd on his muscles. They looked between Kora and himself, trying to deduce the relationship. Easing down into the chair, he didn't let go of her arm. She didn't seem to mind, purposefully scooting closer to him so her body could hold him up. 

Kingsley Shacklebolt stood in the middle of the stage, the stadium silencing immediately. 

"Welcome to the Ceremony for the Order of Merlin, first class. This award is the highest honor that our society acknowledges, and we do so with the utmost respect at the lives lost in achieving these awards. Each recipient will speak about their lives during and after the war as well as their hopes for our society. 

I demand that you give each of them the attention and respect that they deserve. Their words are what we will remember as we seek to rebuild Hogwarts, the Ministry, and our society as a whole. Introducing first Miss Hermione Granger, now Weasley, and her husband Ronald Weasley for their combined speech." 

He watched as the once insufferable know it all laid bare her dreams for the future, her sadness for the past. Her plan for the future of the ministry. Idealism mixed with a healthy dose of cynicism and intelligence. She would be the Minister one day. Weasley stood proudly beside his wife, watching her adoringly, not adding anything. That was perhaps the smartest thing he had ever done. 

Longbottom stood next, his words about bravery in the face of fear. Youthful innocence undermined by seeing death in spades. Long term suffering. 

Potter spoke third to thunderous applause. He may have the stubborn streak of his father, but he was his mother's son. He couldn't get the image of that eleven year old boy out of his mind, in his too long robes and ignorance of what his life had to become. In that, Severus could relate to Harry: both shoved into roles that they didn't want or expect. Forced to fit and play the rules that others set. 

"They really are just children...Aren't they?" Kora whispered in his ear mournfully. 

Yes. Children. Sent to do the work to fix the misgivings of adults bent on power and supremacy. 

His turn was last. Standing tall, he glided up to the podium, his speech much less hopeful but nonetheless necessary. 

"There is no reason why I am here tonight. I was meant to die in the war; for justice and to repay a debt that I owed. However, the scales of life tip quickly and I was given a second chance. So many were not given any chances and I struggle to understand why I have been gifted it and not they. 

I want it known, that in spite what you see today with this ceremony, I am no hero. I have lied, cheated, stolen, and although it was agreed upon beforehand as an act of mercy, I have killed. I have watched silently by as others were murdered all in the name of supremacy. No human being should have to live through these things. 

I stand before you to beg of you, seek respect in the highest of means. Through character, integrity, and compassion. I mourn the years that I spent sowing hatred and discord amongst my previous students and staff, especially those you have heard speak here today. I apologize with all that is left of my heart to those students, who for years suffered my wrath and rage at being forced into a role that was a consequence of my own doing in the first place. 

I am here to acknowledge that I did my duty to a friend. That I am free now. That we are all free from the chains that once bound us. It would be the utmost disservice to the dead...and the living...to return to our state of complacency and search of blood purity. We must move on with inclusivity. 

My final word is a thank you to my colleague, the dedicated and talented Potions Mistress, Kora Kane. Thank you for giving me a chance to prove myself to you. The future of potions is in your well learned hands and I live with nothing but privilege to serve alongside of you. Thank you" 

He walked off the stage and down to his seat where he promptly tucked her arm back under his, the blood deafening in his ears as his limbs tingled. It wasn't the high note of the day, but he could not lie. The crowd applauded somberly, the call to change noted. 

Kingsley reappeared, addressing the five of them, all remaining Order members and Minerva to the stage. He motioned for Kora to follow him. 

"Severus, this is your honor. I can't intrude" she exclaimed, not budging from her seat 

"You want to represent me well? Please, stand beside me and share the weight" he blurted out, hoping with all his might that she remembered their discussion last December. 

Her face paled, but she steeled up, not only taking his arm but lacing her fingers together with his, squeezing viciously. It was the first time in his life that someone held his hand. Not even Lily. He hoped that she would attribute his heightened heart rate to the ceremony. 

Kingsley made his way through the line, pinning a saucer sized medal on each recipient. When Kingsley reached him, he offered the simplest of phrases as he pinned the golden medallion to his right breast pocket 

"Well done Severus. Please, be free" 

As much as he didn't feel he deserved it, a swell of pride and freedom surged through his body. He looked down at Kora, already staring up at him, face ablaze with pride, a single tear leaking out of her eye. Without thinking about what the onlookers may say, he reached across the space between them and with the gentlest of touches, brushed the tear away with his thumb, the soft baby hairs on her skin tickling against his knuckle. 

She didn't speak, but he knew. For the first time in his life, someone was proud of him.

He could do this.


	8. Dances and Potions

Later that night...

"You didn't inform me that we had to dance" Kora growled as they waited their turn outside of the Great Hall. 

He hadn't been told. Minerva, much like Albus, had a knack for forgetting select information in order to work a situation to her best interest. She also forgot to tell him that The Daily Prophet was there, photographing and interviewing the recipients. 

"I wasn't aware either" he told her honestly, slipping off his dress robe, straightening the silk black vest and cuff links on his sleeves. 

She groaned in annoyance, zipping off her robes, revealing her evening gown underneath. He immediately looked away, holding back a gasp. Spending time working, she normally wore oversized shirts and slacks, covered by an old apron. He didn't ruminate on her body because it had nothing to do with their jobs, and he had spent most of his life ignoring any feelings of attraction. It was second nature to him. 

"I look ridiculous" she worried, nervously twirling her diamond studded earrings 

Forcing himself to look at her, hourglass figure tightly wrapped into a shimmering black lace dress, breasts pushed up enticingly in the low cut top, the lace covering her arms with patterns, ending in bell sleeves...

Cramming his runaway thoughts under lock and key, he spoke in measured words, holding his arm out to her 

"You look fine. Follow my lead, just this once" 

She didn't fight him, her body fidgeting out of nervous. Out of her element. It was one night. They could handle it. 

"Master Severus Snape and Mistress Kora Kane" came the booming announcement from inside the hall, the doors opening to reveal them. 

The shock wave of disbelief from the crowd settled in his chest. He couldn't hold back the smirk. No one believed he would ever find a friend, let alone a beautiful woman to spend time with him. He was the ugly duckling. Perhaps he still was. Kora purposely laced her fingers with his, determination etched on her face, reading the room correctly. 

This was a triumph. 

The music began slowly, an old fashioned waltz. Holding her hand up, offering what he hoped was a reassuring smile, he whispered in her ear 

"Count to three with each step, follow me" 

She diverted her eyes to the floor, watching as he completed the first round of box steps. Classical dancing was something they taught in his childhood at Hogwarts. It wasn't necessary but it helped to prove a well rounded education. By the second round, she was keeping up with him, her hand lower than it should have been, on the small of his back, thumb moving back and forth across his shirt. 

As the dance ended, he noticed her eyes had left his, and were focused on his lips. No. She couldn't possibly find him attractive. She was doing him a favor by being here. He was allowing his emotions to get the best of him. He couldn't let that happen again. 

"Professor Snape! Professor!" came a shrill voice from the crowd, a short woman with cat eye glasses and a floating quill. 

He rolled his eyes, groaning in frustration. Rita Skeeter. Blocking their way, she began peppering him with asinine questions 

"How does it feel to be back at Hogwarts, where you abdicated your duties? Where you spent your most tortured years? How is your love life, knowing that no one could ever possibly measure up to Lily Potter? Have you found a partner tonight, willing to help you put the ghosts of your past to bed?" 

Ludicrous. His stomach tumbled, shoulders tightening. He ignored her, sidestepping but Kora didn't move. She looked up at him, fire burning in her eyes. He knew that look. He was reminded of when he hadn't stood up for her, and she threw fury his way like stones. 

She wanted permission to show him how it was done. He smirked, one simple curt nod. The room had turned to hear, including Harry, at the mention of his mother's name, cheeks turning red. 

"Who in the hell do you think you are? This man, Master Snape, has defended the whole of our society with his life, and you ask him such trite questions? You decide to bring up the worst memories of his life in front of hundreds of people? He has been given the highest honor and all you choose to focus on is who may or may not be in his bed? What complete and utter swill. A desecration to the memory of his friend, and mother of another war hero. You are a disgrace to our community. Now, get out of here before I do something to you that I will only pretend to regret" Kora seethed, voice raised, accent thickening in her anger, wand out but pointed low at Rita's leg so only those close could see. 

He didn't know what he expected. To feel ashamed at someone else defending him, when he could certainly do it himself. But, he felt happy. Almost able to laugh at the stricken expression that crossed Rita's face as Kora cut her down to size, nose to nose in front of hundreds of the most important people in their world. 

Rita looked around, Kingsley motioning to the door. She harrumphed, the judgmental stares pressuring her to flee. Kora slid her wand into what appeared to be a small pocket sown into the side of her dress, resuming her position at Severus's side. 

"I can see why Snape brought her...She's just like him. Smart and terrifying" Harry whispered as they walked past, no one else daring to speak to them. 

"Did I embarrass you?" Kora asked him as they sat at a small table in a faraway corner, wedged tightly against the wall 

Memories of his teenage years flooded his mind, but he was no longer that less than confident young man. Now, he understood. 

"No. It was exactly what I needed. Thank you" he told her with a smile, noticing a long strand of salt and pepper hair had slipped out of her jeweled claw clip, caressing the space between her breasts. 

"You're welcome...Why are you staring at my hair?" she asked sharply, jerking back, hands immediately checking for errant flyaways. 

"I've just, never seen your hair down before, that's all" he answered awkwardly, realizing how strange that comment sounded. The boundaries that he crossed. Her physical appearance shouldn't matter to him. It didn't. 

Searching his eyes for meaning, a clouded look passed over her face. A mix of insecurity and...sensuality. A moment between just the two of them. Leaning in, she tilted her head, and he instantly did the same, heart beating erratically 

"Master Snape! May we have a few words with you for the Daily Prophet?" boomed a jovial voice, shattering the circle surrounding them. 

Kora cleared her throat, hands held tightly in her lap. Damn reporters. Forcing himself to be polite for Minerva's sake, he agreed to a short interview. 

The moment was gone. 

——————

July 2001

"I regret all of my current decisions that have led me to this place" he complained as they slogged through a complicated batch of everlasting glue thinner. 

"I concur...This remedy is a bitch. We should get paid extra and a bottle of scotch for our troubles" Kora chimed in, counting aloud the number of stirs before adding in precisely two crushed butterfly wings to the simmering liquid

The maintenance wizards had decided to make their own everlasting glue in place of waiting an extra day for he and Kora, effectively gluing themselves to the eaves and roof that they were trying to fix. Then, instead of calling for help, they tried to use an unlocking spell which doubled down on the efficacy of their glue.   
In his mind, it served them right to wait until they finished their normal potions orders to make the thinner, but Margaret insisted the men may be hurt after two days exposed to the elements on the roof. 

"I find that I am rather enjoying watching Carl's legs flounder about in the window frame" he mentioned wickedly, unable to contain his laughter at the swinging legs outside the tower 

"Serves him right. I hope the owls peck him to within an inch of his life" she cursed savagely, straining the bright violet liquid through a sieve before continuing to macerate live slugs in salt to dump into the mixture 

He laughed, focusing on his knife cuts. It had been two months since the awards ceremony, all the excitement gone. Life back to its regular calm, no one trying to interview him or waiting on his doorstep for a candid shot. Margaret was decidedly happier, not having to shoo away reporters or curious readers from the hospital, drawing unnecessary attention to their location. 

He worried that the rumor mill may begin to spin about him and Kora, but as it turns out, she had built such a strong reputation against frivolity that the thought entered no one's mind. For that, he was grateful. 

Passing behind him, she placed her hand on the small of his back as she had taken to doing. Touches here and there, when she passed him a spoon, when he helped tie her apron around her neck, or when they walked home, their fingertips brushing casually. They didn't talk about what this could mean. 

A knock came on the door and they both shouted permission to enter. A tall man with a smart blonde combover and tailored suit walked in, head held high, nose wrinkling at the sight of Kora squeezing a live slug before he announced 

"Yes, hello. I'm Edward Larson, Healer Margaret sent me up. I have a special order for my patient that I would like to place" 

"We're really incredibly busy right now. Carl is stuck on the roof. Can you come back later?" Kora asked impatiently, motioning to the swaying legs with her elbow 

Edward swaggered over to her station, leaning against the ledge 

"My patient is the captain of the Ice Brigade, the Quidditch team? He is sick with a nasty flu and has a He has heard you two are the best in the area and wishes to have a personal batch of medication made just for him" 

"We don't make personal brews. We are a hospital, not an apothecary" Severus snapped at him from across the table 

Edward rolled his eyes, leaning into Kora's path

"I suppose I could talk to you about it over dinner" 

Severus snorted loudly. What a ridiculous come on. Shameless, really. And lacking any self awareness. 

"No thank you. I don't mix business with...whatever this is. Write down what you need and we will let you know tomorrow if we can do it" she told him, swearing in frustration as the slug guts oozed down her arm 

"I'm certain your colleague could handle things here. Let me take you out to discuss my order. It will be much nicer than this" Edward pressed, looking on in disdain at the disembodied bugs, dirtied knives, and leaf stems littering the countertop 

"We are a team. We work together. And this is plenty nice for me. Leave your order and go" she barked at him, scraping what she could of the remains into the cauldron. 

Severus bit back a grin. She wasn't a sucker for smooth talk and ego. And it was nice to know she wouldn't leave him high and dry the second someone else came along. Her frustration and annoyance made him unreasonably happy. 

"Fine. You have something on your cheek by the way" Edward sneered, obviously not used to getting turned down, scrawling his order on some spare parchment nearby 

After he left, she scoffed and spit on the floor. 

"I hate people like that. They think they can get whatever they want because they're good looking and rich. This is just what I like..." she huffed, turning to face him, asking curiously 

"What's on my face?" 

He looked up from the cauldron, glancing at her skin, identifying the powder easily 

"Scarab dust" 

Hastily wiping it away with her sleeve she continued straining the potion. 

This suited him just fine too.


	9. Healing in the Moonlight

October 2001 

The trail led down to a valley of flowers, full moon snow orchids. They were only able to be harvested once a year, during the full moon of the tenth month, when the lunar energy was in transition. This year, the full moon fell on a Saturday. 

He and Kora trekked down to the valley early that morning, one of the few spots in the world where one could get moon orchids, and waited. The time of night when the orchid would open and release its vapors was different every year and they needed to be prepared.

She laid out a blanket on the ground, building a small fire with a few swishes of magic. He set out the jars to collect the vapors and pollen, plus a small cauldron to soak the orchids immediately after they released the pollen to make snow oil for any rare diseases or side effects. It was a multi purpose flower and very hard to find. 

"You still haven't told me how you found these" she reminded him, pulling her knees up to her chest, leggings hugging her muscled thighs, brown hiking books up to her ankle. 

He hadn't intended on finding them. He was meandering one early morning when the memories were particularly bad. He found this small section of flowers completely by accident. 

"I found them by accident" he answered simply, not wanting to expand 

"You just walked down into the valley for fun?" she probed, beyond the point in their friendship where she just let his answers lie

"I woke up early from nightmares. Sometimes it helps to walk outside" he divulged, picking at a plate of fruit that he had brought 

"I'm sorry you have nightmares" she empathized with him, her hand on his knee for a few seconds 

They were lessening, the more time he spent away. The longer he left behind that life. He wanted to learn more about her. More about her life before becoming a mistress. What brought her to Kiruna. 

"Do you have any family?" he asked suddenly, toying with an apple 

Surprisingly she answered him right away 

"No. I was a rather late in life child. Kind of a miracle. My parents were in their late fifties when they had me. They never planned on children. They were very lax with the rules and I grew up nearly feral in the Hungarian countryside in our magical enclave. They passed when I was twenty-two" she still managed to joke, laughing deeply at her memories 

That he could envision. A wild child running rampant in the woods. She took the apple out of his hand and bit into it before asking 

"What about you?" 

His life wasn't that idyllic. But she had shared with him, it was only fair to share back 

"My father was a muggle, my mother a witch. He wasn't a good man and she couldn't leave. We were very poor and everyone knew it. I didn't have many friends..." 

She nodded, handing him back his apple with several chunks missing. He still bit into it, the sourness stinging his mouth. 

"Is that why you cared so much...about...her" she asked ever so cautiously, voice a near whisper 

It was. The only person to show him even an ounce of humanity. 

"Yes. But I didn't know how to be a friend. I ran her off" he spoke sharply, still frustrated years later 

"But how would you have known? You had no examples. All you knew was pain. Anyone would try and hold as tight as they could to something good" she argued, turning to face him 

That was true but it still reeked of excuses. 

"She tried to help me...But she made other friends. I think they felt threatened by me. They were privileged and didn't use that power wisely" he replied, trying to sound civil when all he really wanted was to spew his anger at his mistreatment 

"You're not telling me the truth. What really happened?" she pushed him, hand on his knee again.

He stopped talking. She didn't need to know...

"You don't have to tell me. What else do you want to talk about?" she immediately appeased his silence but in that instant he knew he needed to vent 

"I am not a good man. I wasn't then. I'm not even sure I am now. I ruined lives. I was selfish and conceited and so focused on respect...People died because of me" he croaked out, not willing to look at her, the revolting disgust at himself bubbling up into his throat 

Uncertain of what to say, she summoned her violin. He hadn't seen her play it in the tower for a long time. They usually talked during their lunch break. He laid back on the blanket, his feet warmed by the fire, the slow and sweet twinges of the violin soothing him. She played for a while, the cool breeze offering just the right amount of chill. 

"I think you're a good man. No matter what you say. I don't associate with bad men" she spoke up later, back turned to him, staring down into the valley.

"Is that why you ran off five different potions masters before me?" he teased, trying to break the tension 

"I didn't run them off. They were incompetent assholes. They ran themselves off. But you didn't run" she asserted, turning around to face him, balanced on her knees 

"I like working with you" he disclosed, certain that she already knew that 

"I like being with you too" she rushed out, the words like a warm gush of steam

Had she meant to say she enjoyed working with him too? Or did she purposely say being with him to mean every place they went, not just the tower? Was that a deliberate choice of words or a harmless mix up? 

"I don't know what it looks like to be happy. I'm terrified..." he opened up a little more, peeling back one more layer 

"Because one wrong move and it's all gone..." she added, twisting her ring finger, still sitting on bent knees beside him 

"Exactly" he nodded, almost too enthusiastically 

"It doesn't matter what you've done...But unless you scrape out the infection, the wound won't heal" she spoke gently, softer than any whisper, kinder than he deserved 

"No one can cleanse me of it" he told her sharply, not meaning to be so rough

"I didn't say that. You heal yourself, but you still need to take that first step" she told him, eyes wide and expectant, moving from his side to sitting cross legged in front of him, knees to knees 

Staring down at his hands, he explained everything. The abusive home, holding too tightly to Lily, seeking respect in the wrong places, giving up his life as penance. Seeking to right the wrongs. Guilt eating away at his soul until it was so fragmented he couldn't piece it together. Until he had to. It had almost killed him. But yet he lived. 

Kora listened. No pity or overbearing sympathy. Just friendship and understanding. 

"No one can ever tell you to stop loving someone. And that's up to you to decide. But can I offer one thing?" she asked after he had purged his soul, continuing on after he gave his permission 

"I didn't know Lily, but you threw yourself prostrate for her forgiveness, which I suppose you felt you needed to do...she didn't have to accept it but she allowed her new friends to mistreat you. That seems wrong to me. I'm not saying you were a saint but she seemed very eager to throw you away..." 

He instantly bristled, but one look into Kora's face told him she held no vindictiveness or malice. He shrugged 

"Most people throw me away when I am of no more use to them" he explained bitterly, the root of his life being dug up

Rejection.

"No one is truly useless..." she began, the night rapidly falling around them, but she stopped as the flowers at their feet began glowing bright gold

"Oh wow" she breathed out, both of them quickly pouring the pollen into the containers 

They watched as the orchids opened up, the golden light swirling in the darkness, intricate patterns and whirls. He carefully cut half of the orchids for their usage but left the rest. 

"Isn't this the most beautiful thing you've ever seen" she asked him, watching as the flowers swayed in the wind, offering up their light to the moon 

Staring at her awestruck face, cherry red lips parted, hands spread wide in the worship of nature, he smiled 

"Yes. Yes it is."


	10. Fights and Concessions

January 2002

Whack. 

A snowball hit him square on the back. He looked around, no one in sight. A few more steps and another hit him. Annoyed, he turned around to find Kora meandering toward him. 

"You're hilarious" he told her drily, brushing the snow off his shoulders 

"I don't know what you're talking about" she answered innocently, matching his stride as they headed to the town square

Making certain they were alone, he magically gathered up a small mound of snow and held it above her head in suspense before dropping it on her in a makeshift avalanche 

"I'm going to kill you!" she shouted with a devilish grin on her face, bending down to gather up snow balls to launch at him 

He easily flung them back, pelting her left and right. They would be soaked and frozen before they even got to the store. 

The release of stress left him feeling light. 

Margaret insisted they both take a long weekend of vacation after they spent a week of twenty four hour shifts desperately trying to fill orders for St. Mungos. They had shut down the potions lab for a week due to an infestation of angry ghosts and had run through their supply of potions quickly. 

Not to mention, the holidays had just past, which meant cold potions, food poisoning, and errant curses stemming from way too much time with family. Plus, he had spent Christmas alone, as per usual, but this year it bothered him. 

They were running on empty and the final straw was when Margaret found them passed out on the floor of the lab, taking a twenty minute nap. 

Kora's face turned cherry red, eyes crinkled at the corners, joy emanating from her body. This childish delight was a side of herself she kept hidden, and he rarely got to see it. He picked her up without thinking, spinning her around, dropping a pile of snow on her head. 

"I think I win" he smirked, breath coming in white puffs, his nose nearly touching hers 

"You cheated!" she argued, shaking the snow off her head, not trying to get out of his grasp 

"Prove it" he teased, electricity tingling down his arms. 

She brushed the powder off his shoulders, gaze lingering on his lips, before she summoned a snow ball over and nailed him on the side of the head

"I win" she smirked as they broke apart 

"For now" he trailed off, offering her his arm as they walked across a thick sheet of ice 

"I'm competitive Severus. Are you sure about this?" she asked with a grin

"I am just the same. Don't start something you can't finish" he forewarned her, eyebrow cocked 

"I always finish..." she lingered, her undertone, flirtatious? 

That couldn't be. He hoped she didn't take her arm away from his, he kind of liked having her close. They walked to the local apothecary to check the new inventory, then to the library where they sat in the overstuffed chairs near the fireplace, trading books and chatting in low whispers, ending the evening with dinner at the local wizard pub, people watching from the corner. 

"Would you like to come back to my place for a drink?" she asked him as they were about to split ways, the sky dark and shimmering with stars 

There wasn't anything abnormal about that. Friends invited each other over for drinks. Colleagues did that. He told himself he was imagining the connection between them, the charge beneath their words, the current between their bodies as they walked, arms and fingers bumping. 

He nodded, fighting the feeling that he was about to jump off a cliff. Anxiety raising up the hairs on his skin. 

As he entered the house, Puff sprinted over, immediately purring around his legs. 

"Good to see my cat likes you more than me" she joked, rolling her eyes as she hung up her coat and scarf. 

"Puff is simply an astute judge of character" he told her seriously, petting the cat kindly 

"I had a lot of fun today. I'm glad Margaret made us take a vacation" Kora's admission tumbled out in a rush, pink coloring her cheeks 

He had fun too. He had lived under so many rules and restrictions during his life, he often forgot to enjoy the simplicity of a snow ball fight, or a day spent talking with no point in mind. He was learning who lived within. The formation of who he actually was, underneath all of the lies, beginning to show. 

"I am too. Not many people know that I am aware of how to have fun...Or that I enjoy frivolity from time to time" he explained, sitting down on her couch to rest his aching knees

She handed him a glass of white wine, clinking the rims together.

"We're just the monsters in the tower" she laughed, more than a bit of enjoyment coming from the statement 

"It certainly weeds out the faint of heart...Although, you haven't made any medi-witches cry lately, are you losing your touch?" he surmised, finishing his glass, purposely egging her on 

"Are you trying to bait me into a fight Severus?" she grinned wickedly, sitting her glass down on the table. 

"Now why would I do that?" he teased, transfiguring a piece of lint into a snowball and dropping it on her unsuspecting head 

The shock that covered her face sent him into full blown rumbling laughter. She jumped up, whipping out her wand, forming a rain cloud over his head which he whisked away. He stood up, wand ready to duel. 

"Are you sure about this?" she ascertained, grinning 

"Quit stalling" he pushed, sending a small defensive spell 

Back and forth they dueled, silently, deflecting and sending various spells, laughing as they concentrated. He watched as she held up her hands in surrender after several minutes. 

He laid his wand down on the table but before he realized what was happening, she launched herself at him, five feet of fury, knocking him to the ground, legs wrapped around his, holding his wrists to the floor, smirking in victory. 

"I never surrender" she announced, her chest against his, breathing rapid and short 

Fighting to keep his impulses under control, he nodded, letting out his breath slowly, staring into her muddied green eyes 

"I concede"

"What fun is that?" she pressed, allowing her body weight to rest on his, placing her hands on the floor beside his head, allowing his wrists to go free 

"What kind of fun are you looking for?" he asked silkily, taking a chance, giving into his intuition, and grazing the back of her thigh with his fingertips 

Her pale cheeks pinked up, straddling his hips as she ran her hands over his thick sweater, stomach to chest, concentrating so deeply it was as if she wanted to see beneath his clothing 

Was this what it felt like to be desired? To have someone want to touch him? He reached up, work worn hands learning the soft skin that covered her ribs to her hips. She gasped, beginning to shiver, squeezing his hips tighter with her thighs 

"Are you cold?" he asked innocently, allowing his fingertips to press into the skin of her back beneath her shirt and just above her waistband 

She smiled. A genuine, happy smile. No sharpness or sarcasm. Just contentedness. But just as quickly as it happened, she clapped her hand to her mouth. 

"Oh no! What day is it?!" she scrambled up off the floor, running to her calendar. 

"I believe it's January 12th" he answered confusedly, standing up, hoping his arousal wasn't evident. 

Kora leaned against the wall, hands covering her face. Something was wrong. Did he cross a line? Misread the situation? 

"Today is my husband's birthday...And I didn't even remember...I didn't think about him once today" she told him ashamedly, walking over to the couch, dropping her head to her knees. 

A wall of emotion hit him. He knew what she was feeling. Guilt, remorse, sadness, anger at her lack of remembrance. He hadn't been married and he couldn't fathom the depth to which that bonded someone to another.

Sitting awkwardly at her side, he waited for her to address him again. 

"I'm sorry Severus...I'm really sorry..." she apologized, the shame doubled in her voice 

She didn't owe him anything. He wasn't expecting anything from her. 

"For what? We're two friends, we had a nice day and now we're having a drink" he assured her, purposely lying in hopes she wouldn't feel badly. 

She smiled sadly, placing her hand on his knee

"Thank you...I just can't...As much as it might..."

He shook his head cutting her off, working at being empathetic 

"No need to thank me for anything. Tell me about your husband" 

She raised her eyebrow, dismissing him 

"No, no, you don't want to hear about him" 

He didn't particularly care about her husband but he cared about her. And she needed to remember. Some days were for forgetting and others for remembering. 

"Quit being daft. Pour another drink and tell me" he demanded, sitting back on the couch, settling in.

She summoned a book from her room, opening up to a page with two children smiling at the camera. 

"His name was Akos. We met when we were eight. We lived in a wizarding village in the Hungarian countryside. About twenty families lived there. We went to Durmstrang together, and were sorted into the same house. 

We started dating when we were fourteen. Inseparable. We graduated and got married. I served under a Master while he trained as an Auror. He wasn't egotistical like most of them...He truly just wanted to help people and he was so good at his job. 

But one night, he was called out to a melee between werewolves and Muggles. The werewolves were attempting to ravage a small village and he and his coworkers got surrounded...They didn't have anything to bring back for me to bury. I wanted his wedding band because we made special messages in them for each other...But the investigators told me that the werewolves and their soldiers probably stole it. I'll never find it...It was the only thing that held his voice. With words just for me. I'll never know what those words were...I never got closure..." 

He took in the pictures, the way she stared adoringly up at Akos. Tall, muscular, dark hair side parted. The familiarity of their stances. The way their bodies melded onto the other as if they were one being. He held her tightly in each picture, kissing her neck or cheek. Carrying her on his back. Protective. The ideal husband. 

She stopped talking, holding up her wedding ring, the same one he had seen on her nightstand 

"He had the same one. They were exact replicas" 

Slipping it on her finger, she sighed. Popping it off just as quickly, she placed it back in a box. 

"You seemed very happy" he noted, offering a smile, wishing for a split second that he could have experienced that 

"I was. We were best friends. Seventeen years. Married for eight. Over two thirds of my life. I was so lost without him. I was suddenly alone. Some days I still am lost. Grief doesn't change, it just morphs. I can function now. Even enjoy things. But then I feel guilty...Like I should still be holding vigil for him. Waiting for that one last thing he had to say. I don't know" she explained, sending the book back to her room. 

"You are respecting his memory well. Keeping it alive. You were...are, a wonderful wife. He was a lucky man" Severus stumbled through his compliment, pushed way beyond the zone of his own comfort and knowledge 

"Thank you Severus. I haven't had so much fun in years as I had today...And I guess it scared me" she divulged, looking down at her lap 

He had reminded her of Akos. He didn't know if that was a good thing or not. But, she had enjoyed herself. Their day was happy. He was able to do that for her...and himself. He had no expectations and this didn't change anything. 

"Would you like me to leave? I can see you on Monday at work?" he asked, standing up quickly 

"Maybe you should...But I don't want you to think I regret...anything. I'm glad you're staying in Kiruna" she stood too, digging her toe into the ground 

"I regret something. I regret going easy on you during our duel. I'll get you back later. I take back my concession" he teased, trying to break the sadness and guilt 

She laughed, the tears hovering on her waterline, shoving his shoulder

"Bring it on. Any time" 

Once back at his house, he wrote a letter to Narcissa. Calling in his one final favor. 

"Narcissa,

I need to find a piece of jewelry. Let's meet soon to discuss it"


	11. Old Friends and New Life

February 1, 2002 

"Thank you for traveling here Narcissa. I know it's a distance" he thanked his old friend, pouring her a glass of the deep red wine that she preferred, long blonde hair swept over her shoulder 

"Of course Severus. It suits you well up here" she complimented his home with an approving glance around.

He relaxed in his arm chair, a sense of pride forming. He kept a clean home, unlike his residence at Spinners End. That hadn't truly been his home. He hid behind the veneer of untidiness and disarray. Now, the air smelled of mint and soap. The books pristine and organized by content. Tall candlesticks burning on the walls. Few furnishings but high quality, the same as his decor and clothing.

Artemis, his white speckled owl, tapped at the window to be let in from the winter winds; obediently flying to his open cage where he would rest. 

"How is Draco?" he asked curiously, wondering how the boy had fared since the war; whether he had seen the error of his ways or had followed down the futile path of the dark arts 

Her face lit up, as a mother's does when talking about their child, especially one as coveted as Draco 

"He is well. Not surprisingly, he has chosen to go into potions research. He always enjoyed your classes so much..." 

"And Lucius?" he asked perfunctorily, not that he cared about him 

Lucius was a coward with no integrity who sold his child out to the Dark Lord. He grubbed for prestige and got humiliation. 

"He is neither here nor there. A shell of his former self. But, that was the risk he took, was it not?" she answered sharply, expression tired and worn 

"Yes, I suppose that was the risk we all took. What about you Narcissa?" he asked softly, remembering the nights the two of them would sit in the common room and chat 

Lucius looked out for him and taught him to crave power, but it was Narcissa who understood his mind and need for acceptance. That was why she came to him in her time of need, to care for Draco; it was also why he could not say no. She held a heart string and had pulled it mightily. 

It had simultaneously been a great honor and horror, ultimately leading to the death of his best friend and giving the life back to another. 

"Oh, I'm fine. I keep busy...We're all just rebuilding, aren't we? Finding out what life looks like now. Tell me about this piece of jewelry" she answered halfheartedly, not truly believing what she said 

He wished he could help her more. She always held sway with him, more so than his other "friends" because as deeply as her family was entrenched in dark magic and blood purity, Narcissa simply wanted her own family and to be cared for. That bonded them in a certain way. Ties of vulnerability. 

"My colleague, Kora Kane, was married to an Auror, Akos Kane. He was killed by werewolves and his ring stolen. Apparently, it held some sort of last rites within it, specifically for Kora and she hasn't found it. She wants the closure" he explained, drinking the bitter wine with a wince 

Narcissa sat her glass down, peering at him from down her thin nose 

"Is this another Potter situation? Because I won't take part in that" 

"No! Of course not. I learned my lesson, suffering for nearly thirty years of my life..." he defended himself angrily, embarrassed that it was so obvious to everyone but him 

She softened her tone as she continued with protectiveness 

"It's just...It was so embarrassing Severus. To see you grovel at the feet of someone who didn't care about you. You had so much to offer, and she refused to see it. Please tell me this isn't the same pattern" 

His cheeks flushed at the memory of desperately wanting to be enough for someone but getting rejected. His very real feelings of care getting trampled. But, that wasn't what was happening here. Kora didn't ask him for anything and he didn't expect anything from her. 

"She is just my friend who I see is in pain. I wish I had closure, and if I can give that to her, to ease her suffering, then I want to" he explained, shrinking behind the vulnerability 

"Do you promise me that you're not just doing this so she sees you as some type of hero? That if you get her this ring, she'll get over her husband and take you instead? I won't do that because you don't deserve second best, you deserve first pick" Narcissa leaned in toward him, forcing him to meet her eyes, probing and intense 

"I promise it's not that" he replied honestly, a bit surprised at her loyalty to him 

"You don't want me to help you get anything for yourself? You deserve the world Severus, let me help you" she pressed, unable to grasp his sacrifice 

"I have nothing that I wish to gain. I am well...I wish peace to my friend. She got to experience love like I never had...She deserves to ride that experience through to the end" he murmured, visions of her laughing and holding onto her husband flashed through his mind 

Narcissa patted his hand as she stood up, one last sharp dig thrown in 

"Alright then. I will let you know when I've found something. You really could have any woman you wanted, you know?" 

He smiled, but let the comment roll. He didn't want any woman. He didn't know what he wanted. And it wasn't fair to place that on any person. But he could make his friend happy. So that's what he would do. 

————————

March 1, 2002

"Did you scream at anyone recently? Anyone important?" he questioned Kora as they made their way down to Margaret's office

"No! Well...Just Malin, because she has more libido than brains and I caught her flirting instead of dispensing the potions...But I yell at Malin all the time. It can't be that...What about you?" she answered honestly, her black silk dress robe flying behind her 

"I have been the picture of perfection when it comes to interpersonal relations. Compared to you, I'm basically a saint. It has to be something..." he posited, wracking his brain for any infraction 

Margaret called them both down for a meeting with that morning, but wouldn't say what the purpose was. Their brains were already spent trying to figure it out. 

"It's not my fault! If that's what you're implying. Maybe we're getting sacked" Kora shrugged her shoulders, whipping around the turret stairs by memory 

"No, we're both too talented for that. Our lack of decorum is more than overshadowed by our talent" he replied honestly, knowing it wasn't the time for false modesty 

"You're right...What could it be?" she wondered as they knocked on the heavy wooden door, awaiting permission to enter

"Hello my two tower dwellers! Please, come in!" Margaret gushed as they gave each other a side glance 

"Sit, sit! I want you to meet Mr. Anton Borage, the grandson of Libatius Borage, the original author of "Advanced Potion Making". I will let him explain why he is here today" Margaret bubbled, sitting down with a wiggle 

"Master and mistress, I have heard nothing but fantastic reviews of your potions. Master Snape, I have been informed that you have expounded upon my grandfathers recipes for years with your students? And mistress, that you have come up with several new potions for animal sicknesses that haven't been used elsewhere?" the fifty something man asked with a grin, cheeks rounded and red 

They both nodded cautiously, uncertain of where this discussion was headed 

"Well, I would like to make you a proposition. The two of you go through each potion in that book and rework it. Make it better. Add your own brews as you see fit. And we will publish that for all the students to use in their schooling. Of course, we will compensate you greatly, it is a work of dedication" he continued, arms flailing excitedly as he explained his proposition 

"That sounds great...But when would we work here?" Kora asked, more to Margaret than Anton 

"I would call in a favor to St. Mungos or from Salem Hospital in America; temporary brewers while you two worked on the book. Perhaps a starting time frame of six months?" Margaret informed them, eyes shining 

"Of course, we would give you room and board wherever you wanted. Compensate you however you needed. Your expertise is what we're after, however we can" Anton complimented them, eagerly awaiting their answer 

Six months of he and Kora, alone. Just the two of them. Finding new recipes and perfecting old ones. Solitude. It sounded perfect. But he didn't want to speak for her. 

"May we speak privately?" he asked, using his best neutral voice to betray his excitement 

Not waiting for an answer, they strode out of the room, making certain the door was shut behind them. He blew out a breath, allowing a slim smile to grace his face. 

"We're doing this. Right?" Kora demanded before he could get a word out, stepping up to his chest with her arms crossed 

She was as interested as him. 

"I don't see how we can't. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. Can you handle being around me, day in and day out?" he teased, heart picking up speed, all of his quirks would be on display 

She rolled her eyes, hand already on the door knob 

"I already deal with you day in and day out. What difference will this be?" 

Proximity changed people. For better or worse. 

"We'll be around each other twenty four, seven. I don't want to end up hating each other" he admitted, hating the way he sounded, scared and timid. 

"I think you're the one person in this world I couldn't hate for more than a few minutes. We have to risk it Severus. This is so big" she gushed, holding onto his cloak, staring up at him with eyes as wide as saucers. 

"How will we handle our disagreements?" he inquired drily 

"Duel to the death? Then we wouldn't have to share credit" she whipped back, eyebrow cocked high 

He sighed in defeat. It was a risk they had to take. It wasn't in his plan, but nothing ever truly went to plan. Recalibrate and reassess, he chanted to himself roughly. 

"You're right. Let's do it" he agreed, allowing himself to feel excitement and hope at something for the first time in recent memory 

She grinned, dragging him back into the room and barely pulling herself together, spoke proudly 

"We accept."


	12. Tucked Away Together

April 2002

"Quarter the newt tail" he suggested as Kora leaned over the slimy hind end of the red newt 

"I usually halve it, why a quarter?" she asked curiously, knife poised 

"I've found the potency to double if the pieces are smaller. The boiling doesn't take as many nutrients out of the pieces if they're tiny" he explained, mincing sage leaves 

She nodded with a semi impressed shrug, eyebrow and nose wrinkled as she tended to do when considering new information, quartering the tails 

They had been together for a month now, barricaded in a small cottage outside of London. Reworking every potion in the book.   
Diligently working through each new trial. Painstaking amount of details, notebook upon notebook filled with scrawl and scratch, continuously making their way out to the backyard, scouring rows and rows of herbs and plants. Whatever they couldn't grow was flown in by owl as needed. Or their many trips down to the local apothecary. 

Surprisingly, they hadn't fought. He was certain that someone impeding on his space would irritate him but Kora didn't interfere. They worked around each other just as they did in the tower, with respectful distance and subconsciously in step foot work. 

The framework for their nightly routine became sufficiently laid: prepare dinner together, read, recap the day, or play music. Go to sleep in separate rooms. 

"Would you like to go with me down to the apothecary?" he asked a few minutes later as they bottled the brew before testing it 

"Oh, you're inviting me?" she snarked, rolling her eyes 

"Yes. Because you brew potions as well. That's why we're here. We need ingredients" he answered sarcastically 

"Are you sure you don't want to see Yvette? I'm sure she misses you" she needled him, a sharp undertone to her teasing 

Yvette was the green witch at the apothecary who had taken a liking to him. And, he supposed, he liked her too. That he found himself attracted to her. Truffle brown eyes, cocoa powder hair, and a tall lanky frame. They spent time chatting about literature and herbs; she special ordered golden dragon claw powder for him because she remembered he mentioned it once. 

"Why do you say that?" he questioned acerbically, throwing on his cloak 

"Oh please. You think you're so elusive. She likes you. And you think she's pretty with her long legs and perfect hair" Kora elongated her words with happy hand movements and shoulder shrugs 

"Be careful or you might sound a little jealous" he warned ominously 

"Hardly" she rolled her eyes, walking to the bookshelf 

"You...don't mind?" he asked cautiously

They were colleagues, roommates, and friends. But there was an undercurrent. Always shifting the boundaries of their relationship, toeing that line. Some days playing jump rope with it. Casual and not so casual touches. Charged words. Covert glances. He shuffled nervously as he awaited her answer 

"For god sake Severus, I don't care what you do. We're not dating. As long as you're not having sex on the couch do whatever you want"  
she flopped down into the suede armchair and held a book up over her face, effectively ending their conversation. 

Creaking the door open, he walked out into the wet air of the late afternoon alone. 

The bell jingled cheerily as he walked into the apothecary, and Yvette popped up from behind the counter, thousand watt smile beaming at him

"Hello Severus! Where is Mistress Kane?" 

He leaned against the counter, weight on his elbow 

"She decided not to come today, she had some reading to catch up on" 

"Well, what can I help you with today?" she asked, mimicking his movement and leaning across the counter, low cut top showing off her cleavage 

"I...um...I wanted to possibly get some bicorn powder" he stumbled through an explanation, not needing any bicorn powder 

Looking up at him through thick lashes she asked innocently 

"So, you want to talk about that over drinks?" 

He breathed a sigh of relief that she took the lead. 

"It's about time" she stated, turning the sign to "closed" on the glass door. 

"You could have asked me at any time too" he defended himself, eye to eye with her, she was much taller than Kora 

"I wasn't sure if you and Mistress Kane were dating. She's not someone that I would wish to cross" Yvette laughed, flipping her hair over her shoulder 

"She's all bark. We're just colleagues" he explained, hoping to defend his friend 

"If you say so. Tell me, what brings you to London?" she asked curiously as they made their way into the pub for drinks 

——————

June 2002

It was late, nearly eleven. He enjoyed his long discussions with Yvette. She was smart, endearing, and forthcoming. And she knew how to stroke his ego. The whole situation felt too easy. He supposed some things in life were supposed to come easier than others and he had just been up against a mountain of odds. But the ease in which he sat alarmed him. 

He didn't yet kiss Yvette, though she often leaned in. His nervous mind got the better of his body. He could have had his pick of any woman in the dark lord's circle, but he chose not to lower himself to that. Those women just wanted to be associated with power and he wouldn't give that to them. 

A lone candle burned over by the sofa and he could barely make out Kora's sleeping frame. She didn't normally fall asleep on the sofa, claiming that sleeping on a rock would be better. 

Quietly, he shuffled across the floorboards to check on her. Their potions notebook lay open and covered half her face; she must have fallen asleep while reading. 

Kneeling down, he carefully picked up the book, smiling at her peaceful expression. Should he move her? Leave her there? She would probably wake up with a terrible neck crick if he left her lay like that. 

"Kora?" he whispered, touching her shoulder 

She startled awake, looking around confusedly before focusing in on his face

"Oh. Hi. How was your date?" 

Fine. Normal. Expected. 

"Just what everyone wants. Were you waiting up for me?" he jabbed, helping her sit up 

"No! I was doing work for our job. You know, since you decided to skip out and have fun" she taunted him with a quick tongue

"Do you want me to take you out to the pub next time? You get cranky when you don't eat" he fought back, walking with her to their bedrooms 

She paused a few seconds too long and he knew he had hit a nerve. Whether she was worried about him, or being protective...or jealous, he didn't know. But it was something. A month and a half worth of pent up feelings evident in her eyes. 

"I'm glad you're having a good time out with someone" she whispered, voice thick with sleep and a tinge of melancholy 

"Hey..." he whispered back, stepping closer to her, tilting her chin up to make eye contact 

"It's not as much fun as fumbling through potions work with you..." 

"You don't have to lie to me because you think it'll make me feel better" she responded sadly, vulnerability showing 

"I would never lie to you. Not even to spare your feelings, whatever they may be" he answered honestly, maybe too much so. 

"I'll see you in the morning" she straightened his collar, shutting the door behind her.

——————

June 2002

"I hate liquid luck. Just have bad luck like the rest of us" Kora grumbled as she meticulously cut up thyme to add to olive oil in order to make a tincture 

"That's precisely why they're using the potion. You realize what you've said" he groused back, tired and wired as they neared midnight trying to perfect the difficult brew 

"No one should force luck. It's against the universe. If something is not in your favor, why magically change it? Then it is one big grand lie" she commented, careful not to contaminate the thyme with her fingers as she scraped it into the oil. 

He couldn't argue with that. Whether there was such a thing as luck or fate, he didn't know. Whether things truly happened for a reason or they were just a series of unplanned consequences. Perhaps people needed luck to believe in their own force in the world. 

"Shall we call it a night? Your tincture needs to settle and I need to let this rest before morning" he suggested, stretching his shoulders and neck, the tightness immediate 

Sighing in forfeiture she nodded, pressing her hands into her lower back, groaning loudly as she turned her neck from side to side. Hours upon hours of standing on one's feet, bent over a cauldron wasn't the most comfortable position. 

They weren't getting any younger. 

"Do we have any muscle relaxing potion left?" she questioned, pushing her back against the door frame 

"No" he lamented, reaching down to grab his notebook, his muscles beginning to quake and turn into themselves.

Unable to move, his entire spine trying to escape his body as he moaned in pain. He couldn't do anything, let alone walk. The pain nearly identical to that of a strong Cruciatus curse. 

"What happened?!" she asked worriedly, leaning down to check out his face

"My back is spasming. I tried to bend over to get my book and now I can't move" he grunted out, voice shaking 

"It's hell getting old, huh?" she teased awkwardly before continuing 

"Can I levitate you back to your room?" 

"No! Sorry...Please, just help me walk" he nearly shouted, the memories springing up from his time at Hogwarts being assaulted by Potter 

"Severus, you can barely move" she tried to reason with him, holding onto his hand 

"No levitating" he grumbled as they shuffled down the hall to his bedroom, gripping onto her arm for dear life 

"Okay, I'm fine now, let me be" he demanded, feeling open and awkward as he hobbled to his bed 

Living with someone brought out a softer side of himself that he never expected. He fought to rein it in. For the first time in possibly his life, he felt safe. But having someone take care of him? That was unheard of and terrifying. 

"Take off your shirt" she told him suddenly, arms crossed. 

"Absolutely not" he yelped, back radiating pain and heat 

"I'm not taking advantage of you, don't be a man child. I'm trying to help. Lie on your stomach" she ordered, trying to sound no nonsense about the huge boundary crossing that they were about to do 

"You don't need to, it'll pass" he argued, tentatively holding the hem of his shirt tightly 

"It's nothing I haven't seen before" she started before he shook his head viciously 

He didn't want her to see his scars, his middle aged body, the sagging skin; none of it was attractive. 

"Don't argue. You need help. Or would you rather writhe in agony?" she put it plainly, rolling up her sleeves 

"Fine..." he consented glibly, tossing the shirt onto the floor as she helped him lay down onto the bed. 

Pushing her thumbs into his neck and back, she felt for the knot. He bit back a groan as she massaged the giant ball of twisted muscle on his neck, and the offending spasm on the small of his back right above his boxer line. She pressed into the knot, allowing her weight to do most of the work. Moving up either side of his spine, her breasts pressed into his skin, he relaxed his shoulder blades under her gentle and firm touches. 

The pain slowly dissipated as she ran her fingertips across his skin, working out years worth of tension in his back. Swirling patterns on his skin, he closed his eyes, envisioning them in his mind; circles, big then small, squiggles and lines. 

"Are you feeling better?" she whispered in his ear, making her way up to his neck, gentle pressure under his ears 

If he said yes, she would stop. If he said no, he would be lying but she would also continue. It was nice to be close to someone but with nothing expected of him. 

"If I say yes, are you going to stop?" he asked cheekily, fully relaxed and at ease

And, in an unexpected action, she began to laugh. A deep giggle that resounded off the walls. 

"I won't stop. But, you owe me once you feel better" she told him, beginning to massage his scalp.

He definitely owed her. 

——————  
July 2002 

"Severus,  
After some thorough research and favors (you're welcome) I have enclosed several memories to be viewed in a Pensieve from a survivor of the werewolf melee as well as the jewelry that you asked about. I hope this fulfills your friends need for closure. 

Don't be a stranger,  
N.M." 

He looked down in his hand at the vial of cloudy liquid and the replica ring. Taking a deep breath, he walked out to the living room to tell Kora. 

He hoped this didn't blow up in his face and caused peace not grief...


	13. The Mistress’ Memories

*trigger/content warning for descriptive violence ahead* 

July 2002 

Heart pounding, he looked across the room at Kora, hair held back in her signature jeweled clip, widows peak more prominent than usual, apron tied around her, concentrating deeply on the insect repellent. 

"Why are you staring?" she demanded without looking up, leaving the liquid to simmer. 

"I have something that I need to tell you...But, it's rather important" he started out cautiously, realizing now that she may be furious that he involved himself and another stranger in such a private part of her life 

Putting the repellent into stasis, she took off the apron and gloves and sat beside him at the kitchen table. Her perfume wafted over him, vanilla, honey, and rose. A disarmingly sweet scent for such a sharp and strong woman. 

"Will I need tea or whiskey?" she joked, settling back into her chair, summoning both the remaining tea from the pot and the whiskey on the counter 

"Possibly both. I need to preface this with the fact that I started this journey with the best of intentions" he began, watching her face muddle in confusion 

"Go on..." she encouraged, inching a little closer 

"Remember when you told me about your husband. And the ring? I asked a friend for help and...They found your husbands ring" he dove right in, knowing there was no gentle way to do this 

Her fists instantly clenched as she sat up straighter, speaking through tightened teeth

"Who gave you any right or permission to go searching for that?! Or to tell anyone about what I told you in confidence!" 

"I know what it's like to not get closure. And how it claws at you and it feels as if you'll never be whole again..." he spoke quickly, preparing himself for another offensive attack 

She immediately shook her head to the side, arguing in disbelief 

"There's no way. I spent literal years searching for that ring Severus. I went to different countries. I went shop to shop. It's no where and you expect me to believe that your 'friend' found it, in what, seven months?" 

He held out the small burlap packet, heavy with the weighty ring. She stared at it for several seconds before taking it 

"We'll see if your friend's time was worth it..." 

Flipping the packet upside down near the table top, a silver ring slid out with a thud, the fine etchings making their way around it like branches. She gasped, hands to her mouth, staring wide eyed as if it were a unicorn or other rare creature. 

"Would you like some time alone?" he asked delicately, unsure of the convention for this type of situation 

"No. Stay. If this is truly his ring, it will speak the last words that he wanted me to hear when I put it on my finger" she told him, voice traipsing between excited and nervous 

"I don't think I should hear that" he protested, not wanting to hear the private thoughts of a husband to his wife 

"Probably not. But I want you to" she assured him, breathing deeply through her nose and out her mouth as she slipped the ring onto her thumb 

Immediately, the ring lit up, a vision of sorts floating up from the silver, as if he were watching a Muggle movie. 

Akos' face came into view, causing Kora to gasp, tears free-falling down her cheeks as he began to speak in a smooth tenor of quickly paced Hungarian. Severus watched as Kora's eyes never left his face, her small hands reaching out to touch him but only passing through vapor. The message wasn't incredibly long, two minutes, but in those two minutes he watched as Kora smiled and laughed in a way he had never seen. The laugh of familiarity and ease. The vision disappeared, with the ring still on her finger. 

Beginning to sob, she hid her face in her hands, shoulders quaking. This had been a mistake. He didn't provide any relief for her, he had only gone farther to tear apart her heart. Uncertainly, he placed his hand on her shoulder, her body fire hot. She squeezed his hand, but stood up and headed to her room. 

He just wanted to make her feel better, to give her closure and tie up the ends that kept threatening to strangle her. Deciding to make himself useful, he took her potion out of stasis and began to bottle it. His chest weighed heavy with regret, realizing that he had just sent his friend into a spiral. 

A few hours later as he was heading to bed, he decided to take a chance and check on her. Tapping on the door, he waited for permission to enter. He was just about to leave when she called to come in. 

Laying flat on her bed, her arms flung across her face, ring still on her thumb. He sat down waiting for the right moment to speak. 

"Why did you do this?" she asked creakily, turning her face to him, nose red and lips puffed 

"You're my friend. You trusted me with something...I've been entrusted with many things, life and death...But this was important to me in a different way. Because I know how it feels to not have all the answers. To have something taken from you. To wish you could have done more...I promise that's all it was about" he explained, slightly ashamed that she would think he had ulterior motives 

"Thank you...Will you stay with me?" she asked uncertainly, knees curled up to her chest. 

He stared down at the well worn comforter before telling her apologetically 

"I don't think that would be such a good idea Kora" 

"Please? Share the weight with me?" she questioned hopefully, bringing up the mutual understanding between them 

He oscillated between wanting to help her and being terrified that he would lose his ironclad grip on his self control. But, he wasn't a coward and he didn't back down from any challenge; especially an elf sized hurdle in a black nightgown. He agreed, leaving to change out of his work clothes and into pajamas. He had never slept with a woman; in any sense of the word. 

He didn't stare at death only to be taken down by an unconscious potions mistress. He could do this. The room was mostly dark when he walked back in, a small enchanted orb hovering in the corner to resemble a moon gave off a pale silver glow. 

Sliding under the soft sheets, he laid awkwardly on his back as she turned to him, her face beside his on the pillow 

"Thank you for being there for me even when I don't have anything to offer you" she told him apologetically 

His heart raced. He needed to tell her he wasn't expecting anything in return for this. She didn't owe him anything, especially her body. 

"You don't owe me anything. No part of you owes me a thing. You are one of the few people in the world who sees me as I am. As broken and dysfunctional as that may be. And neither of us are easy to be with...Are we?" he told her heartily, twisting the end of her braid around his finger 

Slim face breaking into a grin, she flipped her long braid over her shoulder, and in an unprecedented move, staring into his eyes, brushing the fine strands of black hair behind his ear, resting her hand on his cheek, she leaned in and held her lips to his cheek before whispering into his ear 

"Good night my friend" 

Nestling in close against his chest, her legs wrapped around his knees, she fit against his body like a pea in a pod, breathing soon turning deep and slow. Allowing his arm to rest in the dip of her hip, he carefully pulled her close to him, breathing in and out until his thoughts ceased and he fell asleep.   
——————

The next day, they sat eating breakfast and he passed her the vial of memories. 

"My friend Narcissa was able to find a witness to the melee. These are their memories. We can go to Minerva's office and see them if you would like" he explained to her as she rolled the swirling mist.

Eyes never leaving the vial, she considered his offer. 

"Is this the last moment of Akos' life?" she asked timidly

"I have no idea" he answered honestly, sipping his tea 

She sighed, slipping the vial into her pocket 

"I need to know" 

He wouldn't have expected any less.

———

Minerva welcomed them in kindly to her office, the portraits unanimously greeting him. 

"Good to see you again Severus, and you as well Ms. Kane" the elder witch smiled as she summoned the Pensieve 

"Thank you for this Headmistress. I am very grateful for this" Kora told her, head bowed 

"Of course dear. Stay as long as you need. The portraits will give you privacy as well" she told her, looking sternly around at the gossipy frames, their inhabitants grumbling as they slid out of view 

"Pour in the vial and immerse your head. You will be watching the memory happen as if it is in real time but it is not. Nothing can be changed and nothing will hurt you" he explained to her wide eyed expression

"Aren't you going to watch it with me?" she immediately demanded, eyebrows furrowed 

"It's a private thing, just for you. I shouldn't be there" he explained, not wanting to admit he didn't want to see more death and destruction, especially caused by the dark lord's call to action 

"Please?" she whispered, pouring the mist into the bowl, silvery light swirling 

Taking a deep breath, he nodded, guiding his arm around her back, lowering their faces into the bowl. 

Suddenly they were surrounded by chaos. Dozens of people running and screaming. The vantage point was from someone who was hiding under a porch, immobilized in fear at the advancing werewolves while a man that he recognized as Akos ran across the yard, binding the confused werewolves with a strong petrificus spell, they appeared to be on the defensive while the other Aurors collected the Muggles to clear their minds of the memories. 

"Akos..." Kora whispered, one hand to her mouth, the other reaching out helplessly 

"Bence! To your right!" Akos yelled, stunning an a lumbering troll who had come to the werewolves defense

A tall man with blonde hair whipped to the side just in time to subdue the animal. The two men ran together, stunning and binding as they went, but never killing. As the scene died down, the Muggles memories wiped, a group of four gigantic wolves and a large half man and half wolf descended upon the exhausted aurors who had put their guards down. 

Akos didn't back down, working to avoid the brute strength of the wolves as they attempted to kill each Auror. As he helped his colleagues get into the clear, he looked back and saw his partner, Bence, get knocked down by an unknown wolf trying to enter a muggle home. 

Without a pause, Akos ran towards him, refusing to yield, throwing his body in front of his friend

"Go! For your kids! Go Bence!" 

Severus heard Kora whisper, horrified, from beside him 

"Oh no..." 

Bence ran to the makeshift control center, trying to persuade the other Aurors to come, and several did, firing spells but easily being surrounded by five werewolves and Fenrir 

"They're going to kill him" she gasped, hands up to her face

"You don't have to watch this" he warned her, knowing the toll that seeing death takes on a person 

"Akos faced it head on. I can too" she stated stubbornly, teeth clenched 

Fenrir swiped a long sharp paw at Akos, knocking him to the ground. 

Severus' gut tightened at what he was about to watch, but he could withstand it. The werewolves in Fenrir's group were sadistic in their torture, enjoying the pain. They watched as Akos was slowly dismembered, wolves gorging on his body.

Severus turned his eyes away, stomach tumbling in protest, the bile rising up his throat. He had seen Nagini eat too many victims. Gripping Kora's hand, he looked up to see her face stricken, aghast at the horrors of what she was watching. 

Yet she watched, unblinking, tears trickling. Respectful of the last moments of her husbands life, given to defend and save others. 

Nothing was left. Not even the bones. The wolves left, satiated; and the street remained eerily calm as new Aurors apparated in to cleanse the street of blood and leftover magic. 

That was the end of the memory. Akos hadn't survived, neither had Bence, or several unknown Aurors. But to give one's life to save another was a sign of altruism and true humanity. 

The office surrounded them again, bright afternoon light making him squint. Kora stood shell shocked, pale skin even paler, hands limply held at her sides. 

"Your husband was a hero Kora" he offered, trying to break the wall 

"Yes, but for what? Everyone died. What was his sacrifice for then Severus?" she questioned angrily, lower lip quivering 

Humanity. The goodness of people. Things that weren't touchable but felt. Morality. Justice. The common good. All things that didn't bring comfort in grief. 

"He died for all the things we cannot see but need to have in order to maintain a good and just society. It wasn't in vain Kora" he tried to comfort her, knowing that nothing would. 

"Right now, I don't believe that. What karmic justice does the death of my husband do for the universe? I'm ready to go back now" she told him, eyes glazed over and arm held out for him to take 

He scribbled a hasty thank you to Minerva and popped them back to their lab. 

"You can take the day off, I'll work on the revisions" he said softly, prepping his station 

"No. I can't wallow in that right now. I need to work. That will help" she argued, beginning to do the same as him. 

The silence weighed heavier than stones and neither had the strength to lift it off.


	14. Veritaserum and Touch

August 2002

"Did you come here to tell me we can't date anymore?" Yvette asked him with a sly grin as she sipped her glass of wine 

It wasnt that he didn't like Yvette. He did. Their dates were lighthearted, pleasant, interesting...but they lacked a depth. He wasn't one to swim in the shallow end. And he was beginning to feel wrong about spending time with Yvette, knowing that when he was finished with the potions revisions, he would leave and not think of her again. 

"Yes" he answered simply, hoping not to elaborate 

"We enjoy each other but there's no fire, is there?" she deduced, an understanding smile on her face 

Right. No undercurrent of tension, intrigue, mystery...

"That's fine. I'll see you when you come to get your next order" she stood up, patting his shoulder on her way out 

Breathing a deep sigh of relief, he made his way back to the lab. He hadn't eaten dinner yet and wanted to check in with Kora. It had been a week since she saw the memory, her body physically accounted for but her mind elsewhere. Moving through the days hearing but not comprehending, focused solely on the minutia of the ingredients. 

He couldn't blame her, his mind had been rattled as well. The battle triggered the memories of Hogwarts, round table meetings, Albus' eyes as he fell down the tower. Every night in the last week he woke up in a cold sweat, Kora peeking her head in, mumbling a half hearted excuse to curl up next to him. They both slept better that way but neither spoke of it in the morning. 

"Kora!" he called out as he entered the house, only to be met with silence. 

The house spoke of absence, no sounds of anyone there. Her room was empty but still full of her things, the bathroom door wide open, and the kitchen unused. No note. His heart began to race. Did she leave? Was it too much? The resurfacing of the memories and the grief? She needed to be alive and well. He needed to do something to keep from catastrophizing. 

She was no where to be found downtown, not in the library, tea shop, book store, herbalist...No where. Fighting the rising panic he walked home and tried to read. He didn't like to take potions to calm down but he might have to by the end of the night. 

The hours dragged by, the light turning into dusk. He wouldn't be able to sleep not knowing where she was...Who would he even call to begin to search? A distinct pop, and he let out the breath he had been holding all night. Relief flooded his body as he stood slowly, turning to face her. 

He wanted to simultaneously scream in anger at her carelessness and hug her because she was in front of him, safe. 

"What happened? You look sick" she told him worriedly, putting a hand to his forehead. 

He didn't say a word, instead simply wrapping his arms around her and pulled her close, resting his cheek on the top of her head. She stiffened for a second, but then he felt her arms around his waist, pulling him into her as well, burying her nose in his chest. 

"I didn't know where you were" he whispered a few minutes later, beyond the point of caring 

"I went to the spot. Where the fight was. I apparated there. I needed to see it for myself. To finally put it to rest" she stepped back, looking up into his eyes, her expression clear and calm 

"You could have hurt yourself apparating to an unknown location!" he yelled, the fear of losing her suddenly present

"I wanted it too much. I was fine" she assured him, not fazed by his outburst, her arms still tight around his waist 

"What did you find out?" he asked curiously, the soft cotton of her tee shirt under his fingertips 

"It felt like finally reading the ending chapter to a book. Whatever hope I had that maybe it was a lie, and maybe he was still alive...I can put that down now. I was hanging on because I didn't know where to land, no where felt safe. But...hearing his words in the ring...He always knew what I needed to hear and this time was no exception. I held a vigil in that spot, where he died. He can rest now, and so can I, finally knowing the full truth. And I have you to thank for that" she explained, her voice docile and warm, at peace. 

He didn't want to take credit for her realizations. She came to those all on her own. 

"I already told you that you don't have to thank me" he reminded her brusquely, desperately hoping she didn't think this was an attempt to bed her 

"I know. You're the best of men. This was done out of the same altruism that Akos had. That same action that propers the world forward that you talked about? That's all you" she complimented him, head tilted all the way back to make eye contact 

"You are much too naive in your presumption of my interests and thoughts" he fought, unable to take the compliment 

"Just say thank you" she chided him, eyes dilated wide in the dark living room 

Fighting every urge that told him not to, he leaned down and placed a long kiss on her cheek, hands still at her waist. 

"Thank you" he murmured, resuming their position from earlier, not willing to let her go just yet.

——————

September 2002

"We can't test it on ourselves! That's illegal!" he argued, knowing full well the legal limits on Veritaserum. 

"We need to know if it works. We don't have permission to test on other people. And animals can't talk. What do you propose?" she argued back, talking slowly for effect which she knew he hated. 

"Just assume it works because we're both at the top of our field?" he suggested, knowing that he was losing the battle. 

They tested most of the potions out on themselves, and he knew this one was coming. There was very little way to test for it otherwise. The rules concerning Veritaserum were so strict that only potions makers were allowed to test it and only amongst themselves. 

"One drop. It won't last long. It's the last one we have to verify" she reminded him, scribbling in her notebook 

Their revisions were nearly done. Six months. Countless hours, wins and losses. The most memorable time of his life. The sadness at its closing weighed his chest down, made him grumpy. Soon they would return to the tower, colleagues and not roommates. It would be strange not to hear her feet shuffle around the kitchen every morning. 

"Let's get it over with" he gave in, placing a tiny drop on his tongue. 

"What's your name?" she asked with a smirk 

"Severus Tobias Snape" he replied with the same smirk 

"Mother and fathers names?" 

"Eileen Prince Snape and Tobias Snape" 

Birthday?

"January 9, 1960" 

"Favorite food?"

"Cottage pie with a salad and whiskey" 

"When I asked where the last of the bread had gone, you said it molded. Did it truly?"

"No, I made a sandwich and forgot to replace it. No questions for personal gain!" he protested, the words bubbling to the surface involuntarily like a geyser 

"You're no fun. Favorite memory?"

"Gathering moon flowers with you" he spurted out, his cheeks pinking up and burning 

She smiled, obviously pleased before continuing 

"Why did you break it off with Yvette?" 

"There was no substance. No dynamic. It was easy but some things deserve to have work put into them" he spoke unhampered, hating how quickly he responded

"Did you sleep with her?"

"That's inappropriate. No" 

"Why not?" 

"It didn't occur to me" he answered honestly without revealing too much 

"Am I making you mad?" she asked with a devilish smirk 

"No" 

Not mad. Uncomfortable. Nervous. 

"What has to happen for it to occur to you?" she asked with a raised eyebrow 

Oh Merlin. No. He bit his tongue but the serum pressed the words out 

"I don't know. I've never had the opportunity...A charge, a rush, a connection. Something very real and palpable. Undeniable attraction" 

She smiled sweetly, completely the opposite reaction of what he thought would happen. 

"I like that. What's your favorite dessert?" 

"Pie of any sort" he answered, feeling the control come back to his thoughts and tongue as he warned her 

"It's your turn next. Turn about is fair play"

She grinned, some unknown prize having been won as she placed a drop on her tongue

"Name?" he asked calmly, starting slow

"Kora Szilvia Kane" she sat back with a smile 

"How did you really feel about Yvette?" 

Her eyes widened, the pull of the serum too strong to hide behind sarcasm 

"She wasn't good enough for you. You deserve more" 

Goosebumps broke out over his skin.

"What defines more?" he asked smoothly, knowing he was pushing the limits

Her cheeks flushed red as she mumbled, clearly trying to fight 

"Someone who doesn't agree with you all the time or pretend that everything is perfect. Being so carefree would bother you after a while" 

He leaned forward in his chair, realizing how much Kora truly noticed about him. A carefree lifestyle would bother him, because he needed goals and challenges. Stability. Routine. He decided to keep moving on with the inquisition 

"Do you purposely pick fights with me?" 

"I don't pick fights on purpose. If you do something wrong, I tell you and then you argue with me and it turns into a fight" 

"Wrong according to your opinion. I won't give in to someone else's demands on my life" he told her with a smirk, daring her to keep going 

"I know. You don't give in to me and you don't run away from me. You go around the ring until we find what works. You're not afraid of a fight and that's what I like about you" she sat forward, fingers clenching the armrests as the admissions poured out 

"What's your favorite memory?" he asked as his last question, knowing the effects would soon wear off 

"With Akos, the day we got married. With you...the day you made me tea. I gave you a hard time but I knew then you would stay..." she looked at the floor, dragging her toes back and forth 

"I think we've concluded that the Veritaserum is more than sufficient" he declared, standing up to get a cup of tea.

"Am I making you nervous?" she asked seriously, eyes concerned 

Not nervous. Terrified. They were wading into deep and uncharted waters. 

"I'm not nervous..." he lied, the effects gone and only the dull ache of repressed feelings 

She followed him to the kitchen, placing a tea bag into a mug and holding it out to him to fill with hot water. The unspoken action wrenched in his chest. It was so normal. Incredibly commonplace. Exactly what he wanted for most of his life. 

"What's wrong Severus?" she asked gingerly, leaning her body up against him, small hand on his chest 

His heart rate sped up, the overwhelming urge to kiss her pretty lips, touch her skin, throw off that top...He had to stop. This wasn't the right time. 

"This isn't the right time" he answered evasively, holding onto her hand 

The expression on her face shifted, from concern to...intrigue? Appreciation? Lust? 

Pressing the front of her body against his, she linked her arms around his neck, lifting up on her toes. His back stiffened, everything about her was calling to him. To touch. To taste. This was new. Or, perhaps this was the first time in a long time he allowed himself to indulge in the need for physical touch. 

He gave in to his desires, cupping her bottom, pulling her into his hips, kissing her forehead. She gasped loudly, wrapping her leg around his, fingers knotted up in the base of his hair. Moving his hands up slowly, he slipped his hands under her sweater, the dip of her spine curving under his hands. The desirous groan that escaped her lips set his nerves on fire, stomach clenching, and other body parts aching. 

"Are you sure it's the wrong time?" she questioned breathlessly, hazel eyes blazing with need

"I don't want you to regret anything. It's only been a month since you held your vigil" he told her regretfully 

He didn't want to lose her. Or be a regret she made when swimming in vulnerability. He wasn't a replacement for another man; he was his own man. 

"Right thing...Wrong time" she wondered, placing her hand on his cheek

"You are precisely the right thing" he tilted her face up, begrudging the fact that he had such a strong sense of consequence and forethought. 

"Sometimes I hate your morals" she tossed at him as she walked to her bedroom, hips swaying. 

He did too. Someday it would happen. But it had to be right.


	15. Cowards and Kisses

October 2002

"Who the hell did she leave in charge of our lab?!" Kora yelled angrily, hands clutched to her forehead in disbelief 

He echoed the sentiment, gazing in utter defeat at the devastation that was their lab. He inwardly simmered while Kora bubbled over. 

Half the beakers were missing, the ones that remained were stained and cracked. Knives and other instruments strewn about in no particular order, ingredients not restocked, the floor and counter tops filthy, cauldrons burnt and disgusting.

Cursing mightily, Kora began flinging all the unusable beakers into a bag, picking up dull knives and dirty utensils with disdain. It was completely disrespectful of the brewers to leave the lab this way. The potions they brewed couldn't have been functional. 

Scowling, he began taking inventory of what was missing, out of date, and just plain gone. The list quickly totaled over two scrolls of parchment. 

"Welcome back I suppose" she sighed a while later, setting the bag on fire and quickly making it disappear

"I need to make a trip to the apothecary. Immediately. Would you like to go or clean up the carnage here?" he asked grimly, looking around at the hours worth of work still to be done even with magic 

She waved goodbye, swearing and scrubbing at a stain that wouldn't come off even with a cleansing spell. Her anger was misplaced passion for their trade. Her high regard for their craft made it so that any disruption came across as the worst insult.

"Oh Severus! So glad to see you're back!" Margaret bustled out into the hallway, embracing him in her matronly way that he accepted

"Glad to be back. Although, the lab is in rather a disarray" he told her grimly 

"I am so sorry. For the last month we had apprentices running things with no oversight because the Master got sick. It was dreadful. Oh dear...Where is Kora? The interns will be in soon" she apologized and suddenly realized that there may be danger 

Together they turned to go back to the tower when the sounds of howling and what could only be described as penitent terror echoed down the spiraled stair case. 

"What kind of half wit moron doesn't clean a cauldron after they're done?! You could have poisoned half the hospital you complete and utter toadstool! 

And how does one break magical beakers?! They're MAGICAL! And there are scorch marks on the ceiling, and unidentifiable stains that refuse to budge on my counter that I still haven't the faintest idea what they are! No ingredients for the most basic of potions, did your parents raise idiots?! 

Because I'm certain that anyone with one brain cell between them could do better than the likes of you two! All the aprons are disgusting and ruined! 

Minty is terrified to even enter the lab because apparently he got SET ON FIRE from an errant spell that one of you tried to do....

DONT RUN AWAY FROM ME YOU COWARDS IM NOT FINISHED!" 

Two horrified young men with shaggy hair and apprentice gowns tripped over themselves to get down out of the tower before Kora could reach them, disarming spells being shot at their feet to make them go quicker. 

Using Margaret as a shield they quivered as Kora emerged, high necked black dress cut to her body and rustling around her ankles, eyes wide with fury and wand gripped so tightly it looked as if it might snap. 

"Welcome back Kora. Nice to see you haven't changed a bit. They will be rightly punished and administered to, no need to curse their one remaining brain cell" Margaret promised in her warm, even voice that could calm down an entire hoard of pissed off pixies. 

Kora stared them down, deciding on if she believed Margaret, but eventually dropped her wand and waved them away. She turned to go back upstairs without a word. 

"You are very lucky you only got the verbal berating. She's rather adept at curses that cause loss of limb" he told them seriously, annoyed at the havoc their ignorance wreaked. 

Margaret shooed them both away to her office, they would need a whiskey or two after that. 

As he exited the hospital, Malin called out to him from her office, her hand reaching out to grab his arm 

"Welcome back Severus! I'm very glad to see you" 

He forced a polite smile and greeting. So obvious in her need to have what she deemed a worthy conquest. 

She stood closer to him, flipping her hair back over her shoulder 

"Would you like to go out for a drink tonight? Reward for your hard work?" 

Before he could answer, he heard Kora yelling from down the hall, blasting open the nearby exit door with her wand 

"For god sake Malin, the man hasn't even been back for a day and you're already trying to unzip his pants. Give him some room. The lab is in shambles!" 

He smiled gratefully at the tiny tornado, black cloak flowing behind her as she stomped past. He shrugged his shoulders at a disappointed Malin and followed after Kora into the street.

"Nice to see you back to your normal self; terrorizing the staff" he jested, easily keeping stride with her 

"Are you going to lecture me?! Tell me to be nice?" she turned to him, hands on her hips, eyebrows near to her widows peak 

"No. Not at all. I can honestly say that I've never liked you more than in this moment" he answered truthfully, impressed at her level of dedication and pride. 

And her tongue that was sharper than any sword, able to cut a man down to size in an instant. She blew out a deep breath, fuming silently, the wind blowing her cloak around her legs and back like a cape. 

She looked majestic and capable. And very, very formidable. 

Perfection. 

—————

The sky fell dark and deep as they walked back to their homes a week later, finally feeling back in place in the tower; all ingredients stocked, new cauldrons and aprons, sharpened knives and all offending stains gone. 

Looking down at Kora, he noticed under her eyes were puffy and purple, gaze unfocused. 

"You look exhausted" he mentioned, arm bumping against hers 

"Have you looked in the mirror?...Sorry. I haven't been sleeping well since we've been back" she snapped back, rubbing her eyes tiredly 

He understood. He hadn't slept well either, tossing and turning in a bed that felt too big. They only shared a bed for a week but the security of her body beside his, the warmth, the way she slept with her arm spread out across the pillow and the other over his chest wrapped him up in a feeling he couldn't name. 

He reached for her hand, interlocking his fingers with hers. She stopped walking and wrapped her arms around his waist, pulled so tight he struggled to take a deep breath. Awkwardly, he held her close, shielding her with his cloak from the wind. 

"We've been back nearly three weeks...Would you like to come to my place tonight. We could have dinner?" he asked cautiously, as if they hadn't eaten together every night for six months.

"Are you asking me on a date Severus?" she questioned with an upturned smile 

Their relationship was blurry and nebulous at best. No clear boundaries or distinctions.

"Yes. Yes, I suppose I am" 

She smiled, linking her arm up with his, resting her head on his arm as they strolled along the side walk. His chest warmed, his resolve was waning. He wanted to touch her, when she effortlessly chopped ginger root, he was jealous of the knife handle. When she placed her hands on her hips to stretch, he wished he could help. He was happy to be her friend, and if they were never more, he would be at peace. A trustworthy, loyal, and longterm friend was better than any lover. 

But, something was telling him that she wanted more now. That something had switched within her. That she felt free. It was in the way she brushed against him, the way she stared at him when she thought he wasn't looking, how she knew everything about him in the most intimate of ways without ever having touched him...

They stopped by a Muggle restaurant, ordering bags of takeout before walking the last quarter mile to his home. 

As they ate, the silence was comfortable. Her foot and leg rested against his, toes tapping. Tossing off her turtleneck, the camisole underneath showed her cleavage and small opal pendant as she kept massaging her neck in annoyance, shoulders twisting. 

"Come here" he told her, showing the way to the couch where he summoned a pillow on the floor for her to sit. 

Too tired to argue, she sat between his knees, head fallen forward as he pressed his thumbs into her shoulder blades and neck just as she had for him. She groaned in happiness, body relaxing underneath his touch. Down her back, and up to her shoulders again. Slow and strong. He continued on until he saw her body relax, tension gone. 

Leaning down to the curve in her neck, he every so slightly touched her skin with his lips. She tilted her head to the opposite side, giving him more access to her shoulder. Uncertain of what to do, he fought to allow his instincts to come to the surface. She wanted him. 

Brushing his lips down the curve of her neck, kissing her shoulder blade, smirking at her low moan. Dropping kisses along the top of her back, he gained some confidence, lips trailing back up her neck, he allowed his hands to wander on her back and stomach. 

She turned around on her knees, looking up at him through thick lashes, hands spread across his knees, making her way up his thighs, unbuttoning his vest she slipped it off his shoulders. His heart raced at her touch, hands beginning to sweat. 

"I don't want to go home" she said, settling in beside him on the couch, resting her hand on his thigh, squeezing deeply. 

"You are home. If you want to be" he told her soothingly, knowing that he was taking a risk. 

"With you" she affirmed, taking hold of his hands and bringing them to her lips 

He smiled involuntarily, kissing her forehead with a tenderness he couldn't have imagined 

"Us. Together"

She grinned, swinging her legs over his, touching their noses together, the moment suspended in time. A thrill of nervousness ran through him as he reached his hand up to her cheek, brushing his thumb across her skin. 

"I'm going to kiss you now" she whispered, her lips nearly on top of his, deep murky green eyes twinkling, fingers caressing his cheek 

"I'm ready" he whispered back, stomach tumbling in rapid circles, nerves buzzing 

Her lips touched his tentatively, showing him what to do. He moved his lips around hers, savoring the softness, the newness of this next step, her patience with him. 

Catching his eye, she pulled back, smiling shyly before admitting with a blush 

"I've wanted to do that for a really long time" 

"Right person. Right time" he told her with an equally shy smile as he tilted his head up to take her lips in his again. 

Welcome home.


	16. Love’s Expressions

*This is a long chapter, full of some maybe mature content? Because anyone who has read this far deserves it <3 * 

—————  
October 2002 

He woke up to wandering hands and Kora's warm body plastered against him. 

"Good morning" he whispered, turning to kiss her neck, her body stretching up into his touches 

"Mmmmm" she mumbled, taking his lips captive, aggressive in her attention 

A good start to the day.   
——————

October 2002 

"I have to tell you something" she whispered breathlessly, breaking apart from him as they kissed in the dark like lust driven teenagers 

He calmed his breathing, laughing at their disheveled clothes, both half naked on their couch, gratuitously touching skin and learning curves, sweaty and slick. Nodding for her to continue, he brushed some stray hairs behind her ear. 

"I've never...I haven't had sex with anyone other than Akos...And that was almost eight years ago. I'm nervous about our first time..." she admitted, looking down at the ground from her place on his lap 

He tilted her chin up, making sure to look in her eyes, wanting to reassure her as much as himself, forging a new path where there was once only briars 

"We don't need to rush anything. Although my intentions are the same: to treat you well and with the reverence you deserve, I need you to realize I'm a different man" 

She kissed his neck, speaking slowly into his ear, kissing down his jawline, rubbing her nose against his; completely soft in comparison to her sharp Mistress persona. 

"I married so young. Almost a child. A life built on idealistic fantasies of what love was supposed to look like. We grew our relationship on that, and it hadn't weathered any storms. You know how you are different than Akos, and it is much better for me now, at this point?" 

He shook his head, kissing her neck hungrily before sitting back to listen as she continued earnestly, hands splayed across his chest, finger tracing his scar 

"Akos tried to make me brighter than I was. He was very optimistic and cheery. He never met a person he didn't like. He tried to hide my dark with his light. It was done with the best of intentions. But you, you never try to hide me away. 

You like me just as I am. You are proud of me when I demand excellence and you stand with me when I refuse to have less than the best. You don't force me to be sunshine when I want to be rain. And that means more to me than anything else ever could..." 

His chest burst with her praise. The very trait that most tried to hide, or tone down with social expectations, he encouraged in her. Not every person sees the world through rose colored glasses and it has taken him a long time to find those people who accepted that. 

Kora deserved that acceptance as well. 

"Thank you Kora...I need to tell you something too" he kissed her sweetly, ready to give up something incredibly private 

"I've never been with anyone. I'm worried that I'll disappoint you" he blurted out, not used to being a novice at anything. 

"This is very special to you then" she stated carefully, expression unchanged, kissing his cheek reassuringly 

"Anything we do together is special for me. Anything we do is a first for me. I'm just terribly inexperienced..." he divulged vulnerably, tracing her spine the way that she liked with his fingertips 

Arching her back forward with a groan, she pushed him back into the cushions, capturing his tongue again, answering between kisses

"We'll teach each other then" 

——————-  
November 2002 

"You're staring at me Severus" Kora reminded him, not taking her eyes off her notes 

"Guilty. You're staring at me too" he deflected, a flash of a smile lighting his face 

"I am" she answered slyly 

"Are we mixing business with pleasure Miss Kane?" he questioned seriously, squeezing out pus from a bubotuber 

"Business now. Pleasure later" she quipped back immediately, a wicked grin sliding up her face

"Is that a promise?" he looked up from his station, pausing his work to look at her 

She looked up, eyes twinkling 

"I promise" 

"You look at me differently now" he explained, unabashedly admiring her from across the counter 

She didn't say anything, instead choosing to put down her notes and make her way over to him. 

"You look at me differently too. Your eyes burn like fire" she told him observantly, standing with her front to his back, clasping her hands to his belly 

"You're a flint spark" he murmured, trying to subdue the urge to turn around and press her to the wall, memorize her body, touch her skin. 

In the weeks since they first kissed, the process of getting comfortable with each other had been slow and intimate. His body growing an ever increasing flame of passion, desire, and love. He hadn't experienced the feeling before and he fought so it didn't overwhelm him. It could easily consume him. 

"I like lighting your fire..." she paused for effect at her innuendo, kissing his spine 

He bit his cheek, the impulse to lay her on the floor and make love clouded his mind. But he wanted their first time together to be special, and worthy of the wait. 

—————  
November 2002

As he shut their front door behind him, he reached out and pulled her into his chest, and pressed her against the wall, kissing her neck hotly. She giggled, flying his cloak and sweater off with a wand less charm 

"I've tried to keep my hands off you all day. Now I can't wait anymore" he growled, kissing her deeply, ego growing as she swayed under his touch, skin covered in goosebumps. 

"I wanted to take you in the storage closet for a long lunch" she admitted as she ran her hands happily down his chest and stomach, resting them on his belt, pressing her hips into him 

"What are you trying to do" he teased, easily sending off her top, appreciatively staring at her full breasts covered by a lace bra, kissing her chest desirously 

"I think it's fairly obvious" she teased back, dropping to her knees, unbuckling his belt, staring up at him ravenously 

"You don't have to do that" he told her uncomfortably, suddenly very aware that she was about to see his body for the first time 

"Do you want me to? Because I've been thinking about it all day..." she purred reassuringly, placing her palm on his very tight slacks. 

He fought to ignore the taunts of his youth, the disdain for his body and mere presence. Kora wasn't like that. The idea that someone found him attractive, desirable, enough to daydream about what they would do, struck him as insane but he knew Kora wouldn't do anything she didn't truly want to do. And right now, his body was winning in the battle over his mind. 

"I really do...I just don't want you to think you need to" he spoke nervously as she unzipped his slacks, sending them away. 

"I don't do anything, or anyone, that I don't want to. Can I make you feel good Severus?" she told him smoothly, positioning him against the wall 

"Please..." he nearly begged, cupping her face as she rolled off his briefs, running her tongue along the rock hard shaft

Gasping at the new sensation, she took him all in, warmth surrounding him, fingernails gripping his thighs, moaning against his hardness, the vibrations sending shivers up his spine. She swirled her tongue around his tip, flicking quickly. The pressure kept building the more that she slid her enclosed hand up and down, her tongue pressing in just the right spots. 

He couldn't hold on any longer and shouted out, his hips bucking into her, unable to breathe, his body nearly convulsing in pleasure. She stood up, a happy grin across her face, taking his hand in hers 

"Now, I'm going to show you what I like" 

He followed her expectantly, the sway of her rounded hips begging him to hurry. 

——————

December 2002 

"Happy Christmas" he told her as they drank their mulled wine in front of a majestically lit Christmas tree. 

They had spent an hour in the forest bundled up in scarves and cloaks, picking out the exactly right pine tree, then spending the evening hanging different sized blue and silver orbs onto its green branches, dancing to music and reading books beneath the colored lights. This was a Muggle tradition that he could truly appreciate. 

His family never celebrated holidays. He and his mother spent the days hiding from his father who used the holidays as an excuse to work himself up into a black out blind rage and take out his frustrations on them. Despite the safety of his present life, he still felt the prickle of unease. 

"Happy Christmas Severus" she leaned against him, her legs tucked up to her chin. 

His heart thumped an extra beat, his whole body vibrating. He hadn't gone looking for love, but it fell into place. He loved her.

"I have a present for you..." she leaned up and kissed his throat, eyes gleaming nervously 

"Really? What could you give me that I don't already have?" he asked tenderly, all jagged edges knocked down as they become closer and more secure with each other 

"When I heard the last words from the ring, it said to look in an old school book for a clue to the future. My old potion book held this..." she told him, holding up a folded and creased spare piece of parchment and began to read aloud 

"Kora,   
Your loyalty is one of your best traits. Fierce and true. You will want to remain loyal to me, even to my ghost. But please, do not deprive yourself of another chance at love. Make certain this new love fulfills you, challenges you, respects you, and guides you to grow. He must be strong and just as determined as you. Do not give into anything less than you deserve. You deserve more than a memory. Love only multiplies.   
-Akos" 

He listened to the words, watching as her face softened. Permission to love again. To let go and make new memories. And she may never have found it if it hadn't been for his meddling, albeit good intentioned. She climbed into his lap, her second favorite spot. 

"I found this that night you gave me the ring. That night...I gave in to myself fully. I had been fighting thoughts about you...This near obsession to be around you. I don't believe in soul mates...But when I talk with you, brew with you, look at you, I question that belief. Do you understand what I mean?" she told him breathlessly, cheeks flushed and sarcastic smirk long gone from her features 

His breath hitched in his throat. Of course he understood. He felt the same way. Knew it in the core of his body but pushed it away for the longest time for the fear of rejection. He told himself being her confidante and ally was enough, and it could have been. But now, this intimacy, the intimacy that only comes from shared vulnerability, had done him in. Saved him. Enveloped him in its warmth and trust. 

"Of course I do. I feel the same thing. I told myself that being your friend was just enough. I like the fight in you, sparring and pushing. Our darknesses mesh without overshadowing. Sharpening each other without cutting. Your mind is intelligent and quick. Your soul well hidden but good. I never thought this would happen to me, and I worry that it will disappear..." he explained, voice oozing and sweet, completely honest. 

He wanted her to truly see him. 

"When did you know?" she asked, kissing his lips slowly, savoring the feel and taste of her peppermint lip balm 

Looking back, he wondered when he had crossed over the line from enjoying her presence to needing it. If he was honest with himself, he enjoyed fighting with her that first year because it wasn't senseless bickering. It was a push to be better. And he appreciated that.

"I couldn't deny it anymore on the night we harvested the moon flowers. You listened to me. And you didn't pardon my past. But you didn't let me wallow. You trusted me. The moon flowers lit up your face in the most spectacular of ways...You were the most beautiful thing I had seen" he told her openly, parting her lips with his tongue, holding her neck steady, her bare neck begging for some attention 

"That night was the first time I felt safe with anyone else in a long time. Do you remember the time we had to get Carl off the roof because they messed up the glue? And that asshole benefactor came in demanding a potion? You didn't immediately feel the need to defend me, or get huffy. 

You let me handle it. And you laughed when he asked me to dinner. Because you knew what I valued. You knew I would curse the hell out of him. You were confident enough in yourself to give me autonomy. I knew then. That I needed you in my life. I couldn't let you leave" she recounted with a grin, kissing his forehead, twisting a lock of his raven black hair, long since grown past his shoulders.

That was before the moon flowers. Both of them holding back their real feelings for well over a year. In reality, he could have held them back forever but relief that flooded his veins that he didn't have to. He could tell her now. It was right. 

"I love you Kora. My heart is loyal to the end, if you will have it" he laid his intentions out on the table, allowing himself to hope in her acceptance 

She smiled happily, kissing him fiercely, pressing her body against him, proclaiming proudly 

"I love you too. I love you so much. For the rest of my life, I'm yours"

Tears pricked at his eyes, emotion crashing over him like a wave. How long had he waited to hear those words from someone? Unequivocal affection. He held her tightly, as if she would slip away. As if the moment was not concrete. But it was. 

Reaching behind her head, she released her hair clip, hair falling down to her stomach in m black waves, white streaks standing out like the snow on the ground outside. 

"Now you can see all of me" she told him shyly, shaking her head to loosen the thick waves of hair that perfectly framed her face and softened her features. 

She was a dark goddess. And they pledged to love each other. 

"You're beautiful and I love you" he told her honestly, giddiness bubbling in his belly. 

A novel feeling and one that he hoped wouldn't go away anytime soon.

"Are we going to be annoying with how much we say it now?" she teased, running her hand down his cheek 

"Definitely. I've waited my whole life to say it and mean it...You'll hear it everyday" he promised, a smirk finding its way to his face 

"I'm good with that. I love you too" she nestled into his shoulder, the silence and comfort of the moment lulling them to sleep.


	17. Forever

*mature content* 

"Are you ready for Kora to be back?" Margaret asked him when she came up for the last batch of potions for the day 

Kora had left for her yearly trip to the North lands, and as much as he loved her, he hated traveling up that far by broomstick, hiking through half thawed muck and ice, gutting animals, and freezing through the night in a tent. That trip was special to her, healing for her soul. He didn't need to imposition her. 

Plus, he just didn't want to and she hated slowing down for him. 

"Yes, it has been a long week without her here" he spoke elusively, skirting around their relationship 

They wanted to keep as low a profile as possible. No one needed to know about their personal lives. But if anyone did need to know, it would be Margaret. If she saw it as a conflict of interests, he would gladly quit and find work elsewhere. 

"Severus, do you think I'm blind?" Margaret cajoled him, bemused expression on her face 

Nerves shot through him, he could play this cool, deception had been his life. 

"What do you mean?" he asked casually, gathering up the potions for her 

"Don't try and play spy with me. I know you two are together. I don't care. I think it's lovely. Take off early and meet her when she comes home. I'm happy for you both. My lips are sealed" Margaret smiled cheerily, clasping his shoulder affirmatively, the potions clattering as she eased her way down the tower stairs. 

He didn't need to be told twice; he apparated on the spot to their home. With a swish, he lit all the long stem candles in their holders along the walls, gave Puff a perfunctory pat, and began to light a small mountain of candles in their bedroom. He drew a hot bath with mint and bergamot because she would be sore from her hikes and foraging. He had waited his whole life to prove that he was able to love someone, and he would prove it any chance he got.

"Severus? Are you home?" Kora's voice floated down the hall, heavy footsteps making her way to the bedroom 

When she stepped into the room, her eyes widened. He grinned, taking in her dirty face and rats nest of a pony tail tied high up on her head. 

"What's all of this?" she asked curiously, the candles flickering shadows across her features 

"I missed you. And I know it's hard on your body to make that trip. Come here" he told her gently, taking her hand and leading her into the bathroom where he had magically enlarged the bathtub so they could both fit 

"You did all this for me?" she questioned with a coy grin, already knowing the answer, kissing his cheek 

"Of course. You deserve it" he smiled, taking her hair down out of its tie, running his fingers through the softness, working out the knots 

"Stay with me. I missed you too. I wanted to come home early" she admitted, unbuttoning his shirt, kissing his chest hungrily 

He groaned, tipping her face up, passionately kissing her lips. Desire broke over him like a sudden rain cloud. She arched her eyebrow, disrobing quickly, chest heaving up and down, bra and panties falling to the floor. 

He unbuckled and dropped the clothes from his lower half, proudly standing naked in front of her. They were ready. She stepped backwards into the tub, pulling him in with her, wet and slippery legs and arms gliding against the other. He took a soft washcloth, beginning to clean her arms and belly, spending extra time on her breasts and inner thighs.

"Do I smell like a reindeer?" she teased, the water sloshing up over her breasts in the magically deepened tub 

"Not anymore" he joked back, the scent of her vanilla and rose shampoo filling his nose as bubbles slid down her cheek

"But you were still willing to kiss me?" she threw at him, pretending to be offended

"I can't say no to a beautiful, smart, and naked woman" he answered smoothly, leaning back as she began to take her time washing him 

"So you can't say no to me?" she asked, feigning shock, a devilish grin appearing on her face 

"Now you're about to take advantage of me, I would say" he guessed, breathing labored as she took her time touching him, hands gliding easily up and down his length under the water

"I would never do anything you're not willing to do...Even if you are the sexiest man I've seen" she whispered in his ear, nipping down his neck, pressing her breasts into his chest, wrestling his lips into submission 

"I'm going to ignore your blatant lie...I want to do everything with you..." he whispered back, his nerves tingling, hands gripping her bottom, desperately resisting the urge to press himself into her

Resting her forehead against his, she caught his eye, expression cautious 

"I'm not lying. I love everything about you Severus. Are you sure it's the right time?" 

It had been seven months of boundary pushing, growing together, learning how not only experience physical touch but how to experience intimacy. To not run back into himself terrified and isolated. It hadn't been solely his adventure; Kora was trepidatious about any new aspect of their relationship, fearful of suddenly losing him and retreating back into herself. Timidly reaching out to touch and running back into their shells. 

"Only if you are too" he assured her, thumbs massaging her inner thighs, slipping his finger into her warmth, gentle pressure on her nerves as she gasped and squirmed 

"I am" she took his mouth captive, grinding her hips against his, fingers wrapped up in his wet strands

Slipping his tongue into her mouth, he felt the curves of her body under his hands, small frame with bold curves, peaked nipples and aching moans. He helped her stand up, performing a drying spell on them, leading her over to the bed, laying back against a stack of pillows, tenderly brushing her hair back over her shoulder. Her cheeks blushed, unable to meet his eyes 

"Kora, we have all the time in the world" he reassured her, tracing his fingers up and down the bumpy plane of her rib cage 

"I just want to remember every second" she whispered, kissing his collarbone slowly, her palm running over his chest, stomach, and hardened length. 

"I love you" he whispered, muscles clenching in anticipation 

She relaxed, happy smile lighting up her face 

"I love you too" 

He brought her close, holding her in his arms, not wanting the pressure of the moment to shorten the experience. They had waited until the right moment and he wouldn't give into his anxiety and panic shouting that he wasn't good enough. They loved each other and that was more than enough. 

Warm and slow kisses turned hot and frenzied, bodies wet with sweat, hearts racing and bodies pushed to the edge. 

"Severus, now, please" she gasped, slinging her legs over his lap, cheeks reddened with stubble burn 

He nodded, watching her expression intently as she positioned him at her entrance. Breathing out slowly, she lowered herself onto him, gasping as she stretched to accommodate his size, easily slipping the rest of the way down. 

"Kora...my beautiful girl..." he groaned, hands gripping her hips at the overwhelming sensation rippling through his body 

"Oh god...You feel so good" she bounced her hips up and down, holding his face with her hands, her lusty muddy green eyes never leaving the black of his. 

He leaned down, taking her nipple in his mouth, tasting her skin, savoring the supple smoothness of her against his tongue and hands. The warm pressure of her insides held him tightly, rhythmic movements pushing him closer and closer to the brink of pleasure; the soft curve of her spine riding his body effortlessly 

He watched as if it were a movie, enjoying her hands touching every inch of him, memorizing his scars and dips, lips kissing him tenderly. 

Laying her face into his shoulder, she pushed as hard as she could into him, the walls of her body quaking around him, fingernails digging into his back, a scream mixed with a moan escaping her lips. 

Unable to stop from tumbling over the edge, he threw his head back with his eyes closed, the pleasure so good it almost hurt. Trying to regain his breath, he held her tightly to him, kissing her sweaty forehead, gratitude clouding his mind.

"Thank you" he whispered, enjoying the weight of her body on his, tethering him to the moment 

"Don't thank me; we both deserved this. I love you...I think we effectively ruined our bath" she laughed, pushing back the sweaty hair from his forehead 

"I love you too...How long can we stay like this? Ridiculously in love and happy?" he asked, peace flowing out to his limbs 

"Forever" she kissed his lips gently, matching his smile as she rested against his chest 

Forever.


	18. Epilogue

January 2012

"We've got mail Severus" Kora called to him, entering their home in Kiruna 

He looked up from the table where he was reading a new book on venomous plants. Kora shook off her royal blue cloak, emerald green dress tailored to her curves, long black wavy hair more than three fourths brilliant silver, handful of parchment between her ink stained fingers 

She was still the most beautiful woman he has laid eyes on, ten years later. She turned forty three that year and he was about to turn fifty two; both embracing middle age, their bodies a little more tired but both incredibly comfortable in them. Aging gracefully and not taking anything for granted. 

"Who got our address? We're supposed to be terrifying recluses" he joked, holding his arms out for her to sit on his lap 

"The International Association for Potions Brewers" she read slowly as she sat, eyebrow hitching curiously 

He held back a smile. This could only mean one thing. Accolades for their work in researching defensive potions as well as the wildly successful revisions of "Advanced Potions Making" that they both painstakingly curated over the last decade. 

She continued on excitedly, legs bouncing against his thighs 

"Master Severus Snape and Mistress Kora Kane-Snape, 

We at the International Association for Potions Brewers would like to congratulate you on your decades worth of contributions to the cause of furthering our understanding of the art of brewing. We would like to extend an invitation for induction into the Masters Hall of Recognition for your everlasting contributions to our world. Future generations of Potions brewers are better for your vast skill. Send your response promptly" 

Kora threw her arms around his shoulders, squeezing tightly. He held her, rocking back and forth, fingers knotted into the hair at the base of her scalp. 

"We did it!" she exclaimed, kissing him happily 

"We did do it, together" he added, kissing her left hand which held a simple silver band on her ring finger 

"I'm proud of us. I'm so proud of our life Severus" she gushed, resting her lips against his temple

He didn't answer but he basked in the glow. They had built a quiet life, researching on weekends, brewing for the hospital by day, spending their time selfishly enjoying the other's company. Reading books and studying. Exchanging barbs and sparring which always ended in a sweaty romp in the sheets. 

Their wedding had been a simple affair in front of the magistrate two years ago. Minerva signed as his witness and Margaret for Kora. The four of them enjoyed a candlelit dinner and afterwards, he and Kora spent two weeks riding Muggle trains throughout Europe. 

It was a second chance for both of them and they were making the most of it. No regrets. Full steam ahead making a life together, not fearing happiness and calm. 

"Are we going to be famous now? Completely insufferable?" he teased, kissing her ravenously, as if he hadn't seen her in days 

"Of course. That's the only option" she muttered around his lips, fumbling with her buttons as he made his way down her exposed chest 

"I love you more than any prize" he picked her up, carrying her back to their bedroom, easily ignoring the letter in lieu of lavishing attention on his bride 

"I love you more than moon flowers" she whispered as he laid her down on the bed, remembering the story he told her of the first moment he realized he loved her 

They made love, slow and sweet, the world moving on around them. All that mattered was what happened between them in that moment. 

A lifetime worth of love and they would experience it all.


End file.
